10 Questions about Relationships to Improve Your Love Life


We’re always learning new things about dating, relationships, and love because there’s a lot for all of us to learn. Looking at your disappointments and mistakes can be painful, but it usually makes a big difference in understanding what we truly seek in a partner and a relationship. If you’re having any kind of trouble in your love life, it can help to look at the situation more objectively. Of course, that isn’t easy, because we’re always more objective about other people than ourselves.

However, it’s worth a try.

When you ask yourself these 10 questions about relationships and love, the answers can start to improve your love life by giving you a new perspective:

1. How can I get more of what I want from men?

Many women aren’t super clear about what they want from men. Without that kind of clarity, it’s hard to get what you want. You can really improve your love life by exploring what you prefer in several different dating and relationship situations. The next step is to be able to say “yes” to what you want and “no” to what you don’t want in these situations. Often women have difficulty saying “no” to what they don’t want because they are afraid of conflict or want to please the other person, but making good dating decisions is critical. After all, you don’t want to spend a lot of time dating men who can’t offer you the kind of relationship you want. You also must be able to tell the difference between a man who is a keeper and one who is likely to break your heart.

2. Can I find a good relationship without confidence?

Plenty of people find relationships even though they lack confidence, and you can too. Lack of confidence is a universal feeling. Everyone deals with it at some point during their lives and that’s perfectly normal. It’s what makes us want to evolve and improve ourselves. You also need to understand that confidence varies depending on your skills and abilities. You can be very confident in some situations and uncertain about others. That’s normal too. What matters is that you remain focused on improving your confidence by taking small steps toward your goals. Just be sure to give yourself credit for the steps you’re taking, even if they seem awfully small.

3. Am I doing anything to sabotage my success with men?

It’s easy to blame your dating or relationship troubles on your location or appearance, but that prevents you from taking a closer look at yourself to see if there are some problems that you can address to change your love life completely. This is a critical question about relationships and love. Keep an open mind to the possibility that you might have something to learn about yourself that might be holding you back. Self-reflection can make a huge difference in changing the path you’re on right now.

4. Do I recognize and appreciate good men?

A lot of women complain that all the good men are taken, but that’s simply not true. The real problem is that they often can’t recognize or appreciate these men. Because our culture glorifies superficial qualities like looks, money, and success, you may look for those qualities above all others. But those traits only go so far when you want to build a life with someone. Even if he’s not your Mr. Right, you must be able to tell if the man in front of you is a solid man for a good relationship or if he’s a man who is not going to work out.

5. Will the man I want be interested in me? If not, how can I become more of a match for someone like him?

Be honest with yourself about your limitations rather than living in a fantasy world. If you lack qualities that Mr. Right would want, then can you improve yourself enough to get him interested? Or do you need to recalibrate your expectations? Don’t ignore this love life question. You want to face the reality of your situation.

6. Do I make similar mistakes with men again and again?

Look at your history of dating and relationships with men. Do you seem to date men who aren’t emotionally available, are narcissistic, or can’t or won’t commit? You’re the common denominator, and you’re choosing to say “yes” to continue to see them rather than saying “no” because it won’t work for you. This is a good relationship question to ask, although the answer might be painful.

7. Am I hanging on to a dead-end Relationship?

Many women are still hung up on their ex, or some man who simply isn’t all that interested in them. If you are, maybe it’s time to figure out why you’re doing that. You can’t be emotionally available for a new man if you’re carrying a torch for someone else.

8. Why do men end relationships with me?

Answering this question can help you identify any problems you might have in holding on to a good relationship. Do men break up with you because you sulk around rather than tell them what’s bothering you? Are you drinking too much? Or do your relationships fizzle out because you’re trying too hard to please them rather than try and get your needs met? Try to figure out your part in the breakup rather than just putting all the blame on him. You can’t prevent another breakup unless you acknowledge and address your problems.

9. Am I afraid of getting too close in a relationship and getting hurt?

Many people are afraid of getting close to a partner. They’ve been hurt in the past and fear they might get hurt again. The problem is, they may not always be conscious of that fear. That’s why you want to notice what you might be doing which suggests you might be afraid. For example, if you’re pushing nice men away and dating men who won’t work out, then you might be afraid. Men who can’t commit might feel “safe” in some way since you can never get too close and get hurt. This is a common fear, so it’s a good relationship question to ask yourself.

10. Is something holding me back from love?

If you really want a relationship, it can be hard to imagine that something may be holding you back. But, if you choose men who aren’t a good match or find fault with every man who is interested in you, it indicates that you are subconsciously conflicted about love. Don’t just brush off this question assuming it doesn’t apply to you. Be honest with yourself, so that you can address what’s standing in the way of the love you desire.

Bottom Line

Asking the right questions about relationships can be a transformative and empowering process. These ten essential questions have the potential to not only improve the quality of your relationships but also provide valuable insights into your own needs, values, and aspirations.

Ultimately, the pursuit of love is a process of growth and self-discovery. Taking the time to ask these questions and understand yourself better will lead you to build more meaningful and fulfilling relationships and prepare you for the right partner.

Is it hard to ask yourself these questions? Please leave me a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

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  • Dr. Susan says:

    You’ve made a really good point.

    These questions are good for those in relationships AND those who are dating.

    I really appreciate your input.

    Dr. Susan

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