Our culture puts enormous pressure on women to look good.
With Photoshop retouching our photos and plastic surgery altering our bodies, our every day beauty standards have become increasingly unrealistic and unattainable. And we feel it – we’ve all been immersed in this world for so long that it can seem impossible to separate ourselves from the influence of external beauty on our self-perceptions. Now, 91% of women aren’t happy with their appearance as a result.
If you take all this to heart, you may think that you’ll never be able to attract a nice man because your looks don’t make the cut. You might begin to doubt yourself and lose faith in your ability to reach your goals and find a good guy. Without a sense that you’re acceptable the way you are, you won’t be able to feel fully satisfied in yourself or your love life.
How can you break this pattern of self-hate?
Why Loving Yourself Matters
Of course, men tend to be visual beings and are often attracted to us initially based on how we look, but how you feel about that is the problem. When you aren’t happy with your looks, you tend to think more negatively about your appearance than other people do. Studies have shown again and again that we rate ourselves as less attractive than the average man (or woman!) would. When we misjudge our desirability and potential to attract a man, our confidence takes a dive. In the end, all these cultural messages about ‘perfect looks’ has seriously damaged our self-perception and self-confidence. We simply don’t see ourselves accurately, leading us to worry that we need breast implants, liposuction, or chemical peels to be acceptable to men.
We’ve been brainwashed into believing that we’re not enough.
Maya has fallen victim to this trap in a way that is all too familiar to most of us:
Maya is a stunning tall blonde who did some modeling when she was younger. Now in her late thirties, she takes good care of her appearance. She never leaves home without full makeup, she works out five days a week, and she has regular facials and Botox. Now she is worrying that she might need a facelift before her looks further deteriorate. Although she’d like to be in a relationship, she’s certain that she has to lose another five pounds before she can meet the right guy.
Despite being considered attractive by most societal standards, Maya just doesn’t feel sexy enough to be dating. Maya’s happiness depends on how beautiful she thinks she is, but she’s never fully satisfied. The kind of happiness we gain when we learn to love ourselves with the extra weight, the large nose, or the big butt is deep and long-lasting. When we have that kind of confidence in ourselves, it becomes easier to believe that someone will love us, just the way we are.
How Showing Kindness to Yourself Can Help You Find Love
Why do we feel that the physical is so all-important anyway? Is skin-deep beauty really more important than your inner beauty? I am referring to those traits that make up your unique personality. Who you are and how you treat people is what will ultimately attract someone and get them to stick around, not your waist size or the perfect nail job. Kindness, compassion, and consideration go a lot farther to having a good relationship with a man than your looks.
Women are like flowers, we’re all different, and we’re each beautiful in our own way. When you look at a flower, do you see its imperfections or its beauty? Maybe it’s time to take another look at yourself, in a kinder, gentler way.
Can you be so kind to yourself?
I know this is not easy for everyone. If you have particular difficulty being kind to yourself, please reach out and share your situation so that I can try to find a way to help, no matter the circumstances. You don’t need to buy into the beauty tyrant’s messages who want you to feel bad about your looks. Your future happiness does not depend on their assessment of your appearance. How you see yourself is what really counts!
Join the Revolution!
Be Your Own Brand of Sexy. The most important ways to be attractive to men and to make a relationship work have nothing to do with your appearance. Looking for more thoughts on the topic? Have you seen my video, How to Be Attractive to Men, No Matter How You Look? I go into the five ways that you can be attractive to men that have nothing to do with your appearance. In fact, as we have seen in this week’s blog, they’re much more important!