Samantha’s drive had made her a successful career woman, but her love life had suffered. Her long marriage ended in divorce.
After taking a few years to heal, Samantha decided to dip her toes back into dating. She matched on a dating app with Jacob, an up-and-coming entrepreneur whose startup had just been funded.
Despite the 12-year age gap, they hit it off over their shared interests in tech, entrepreneurship, and a passion for changing the world through innovation. Jacob didn’t seem fazed by Samantha’s power career – in fact, he found her confidence and success incredibly attractive.
As they explored a relationship, problems surfaced. Jacob wanted to have children someday, while Samantha felt that ship had sailed. While Jacob could spend late nights strategizing at his startup’s office, Samantha had to be present at her company, attending events and schmoozing with stakeholders. She sometimes felt Jacob didn’t quite understand the pressures of her role.
Samantha’s many years of life experience sometimes created a gap between them. She felt like she was guiding him through life lessons she had learned long ago, which made her feel disconnected from him.
After dating for over a year, they parted amicably, both realizing they wanted different things in life because of their age difference.
Samantha felt she would like a partner who could be more of an intellectual and emotional equal – perhaps someone slightly older and more established in his career would be a better fit.
Is age just a number when it comes to romance? Sure, in an ideal world, love would be blind to the passage of time, but we don’t live in a fairy tale. If you’re considering dating a younger man, don’t be fooled by the notion that age is just a number.
Bumble’s survey of 26,800 members might have found that 59% of their users would consider dating a younger man, but Match’s Single in America survey tells a different story. Only 24% of women have actually dated someone more than 10 years younger. So, before you fall for that younger man, think twice about the challenges that come with a significant age gap.
If you’re a woman considering dating a younger man, you might be thinking it’s a great way to expand your options in the dating pool. After all, in a culture that’s obsessed with youth and beauty, being over a certain age can make you feel like you’re at a disadvantage, and let’s be real, that feeling is probably accurate. It can be a huge boost to your ego to have a younger man find you sexy and beautiful. He may shower you with attention and admiration, making you feel desired and appreciated. He’s likely to have a fresh perspective and lots of energy. The only problem is, these relationships often can be temporary, because of some of the pitfalls you should think about.
Katie Couric’s relationship with a man six years her junior resulted in marriage, while Kate Beckinsale’s connection with Pete Davidson, who is 20 years her junior, was short-lived. These celebrity examples show that the outcomes of older woman-younger man relationships can vary greatly. If you’re thinking about dating a younger man, it’s important to think about your own situation and what unique challenges and benefits you might face. Here are some key factors to keep in mind:
1- Maturity level.
If you’re considering dating a younger man, one of the first things you need to assess is his maturity level. Many younger men can be quite mature, but you’re likely to have a few more years of wisdom and life experience under your belt.
Before getting emotionally invested, you need to figure out if he can take responsibility for his actions and handle a real, grown-up relationship. The last thing you want is to be blindsided by a breakup text because he couldn’t handle the pressure.
So, how do you gauge his maturity? Pay attention to how he communicates, handles conflict, and follows through on his commitments. If he’s consistently flaky or unable to have serious conversations, it might be time to think twice before diving in heart-first.
2- Different priorities.
When you’re dating a younger man, there’s a good chance you’ll run into some major differences in what you both want out of life.
Picture this: you’re ready to jet off to Europe for a romantic getaway, but your younger beau is too busy hustling at the office to take time off. Or maybe you’re looking forward to quiet nights at home, while he’s still eager to hit the town with his buddies every weekend.
But here’s the real deal-breaker: the question of children. If your younger man is dreaming of a house full of kids and you’re either not interested or past your child-bearing years, your relationship won’t work.
So, before you get in too deep, find out if he wants children. Life’s too short to waste time on a relationship that’s fundamentally incompatible.
3- Criticism.
Brace yourself, because if you’re dating a younger man, you’re going to face some serious criticism. Sure, your younger boyfriend might get some raised eyebrows and snide comments, but you’re going to bear the brunt of the judgment.
Get ready for some smart-aleck to ask if you’re his mother, or worse, his grandmother. People can be ruthless when it comes to women dating younger men, and if you’re the type who can’t handle a little scrutiny, you might want to think twice before diving in.
And don’t even get me started on the whole “cougar” thing. Society loves to slap a predatory label on women who date younger men, like we’re some kind of wild animals on the prowl. Meanwhile, men who date younger women get a free pass and a pat on the back. Can you say double standard?
Now, I know some women have embraced the cougar label as a badge of honor, and more power to them if it makes them feel sexy and confident. But let’s be honest: reducing a woman to a predatory cat just because she’s dating a younger man is straight-up misogynistic.
So, if you’re going to take the plunge into a May-December romance, you’d better grow a thick skin and be prepared to face the haters head-on. Remember, your relationship is nobody’s business but your own, and if you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Let the critics talk – you’ve got better things to do, like enjoying your younger man.
4- Commitment.
There’s a good chance he’s not looking for anything serious, no matter how old he is.
Maybe he just got out of a long-term relationship and wants to play the field. Or maybe he’s just enjoying his freedom and isn’t ready to be tied down. Whatever the reason, if he’s giving you the “let’s keep things casual” speech, you need to take it at face value.
Now, I know it’s tempting to go along with the casual thing, hoping that he’ll eventually come around and realize how amazing you are. But that’s a one-way ticket to Heartbreak City.
If you’re looking for a committed relationship, and he’s not ready to give you the level of commitment you need, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
Remember, you’re a catch, and you deserve a man who’s ready to go all-in on a relationship with you. Don’t waste your time on someone who’s just looking for a good time. Hold out for the man who’s ready to make you his priority, no matter his age.
5– Sexual compatibility.
While younger men tend to have higher sex drives, every man is different. If you’re in your sexual prime that may be great news. If not, this could lead to some serious compatibility issues. You might find yourself feeling pressured to keep up or even uncomfortable with some of his suggestions.
Bottom Line:
At the end of the day, dating a younger man can be a wild, exhilarating ride, but it’s not for everyone. If you’re ready to embrace your inner adventurer and keep up with his high energy both in and out of the bedroom, go for it. But if you’re more of a creature of comfort, don’t be afraid to stick to someone your own age who shares your pace. Life’s too short to fake it till you make it.
Now I’d love to hear from you – whether you’ve experienced an age gap relationship yourself or not. What are your thoughts on this dynamic? Do the pros outweigh the cons in your opinion? Any words of wisdom or warning to share?
Please leave a comment below and share your perspectives. This is a nuanced topic with many different views. I’m looking forward to reading the diverse experiences and takeaways from all of you.
As a relationship expert, I’ve guided countless women through the ups and downs of dating and romance. I know the unique challenges you face, especially after 40 – I walked that path myself before getting married to my Mr. Right later in life.
If you’re ready to take control of your love life, let’s connect. I’m passionate about providing compassionate support and practical guidance to help you achieve your romantic goals and find the fulfilling relationship you deserve.
Simply email me at susanedelman@drsusanedelman.com, and we’ll explore how my expertise can empower you to attract and keep the lasting love you want.
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