Earlier this week, television hostess Wendy Williams was spotted out and about, sans wedding ring. Naturally, the rumor mill went into overdrive. Gossip started flying that her husband’s mistress recently had his baby. But that’s not all. Wendy is staying in a sober living facility, after having issues with cocaine in the past.
If those rumors are true, this must be an incredibly painful and stressful situation for wife Wendy Williams. It’s hard enough on a marriage if a spouse is unfaithful and cheats. But when you add in a baby and substance abuse issues, it goes from heartbreaking to potentially dangerous. As much as people may be envious of a celebrity’s wealth and fame, it’s not all sunshine and roses. When you’re in the spotlight, you can’t keep the details of your pain private. Wendy Williams’ heartbreak is on display for everyone to see and talk about.
So, why is it important to spot a cheater upfront and avoid them like the plague? Because you deserve happiness in your romantic relationships, not the kind of embarrassment and heartbreak that Wendy Williams is going through right now.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
There’s a reason that saying started, and for good reasons, too. People who cheat tend to have issues with relationships, maturity, and empathy. Sometimes, cheating is a symptom of a more significant problem, like drug abuse, mental health disorders, or something even more sinister. In extreme cases, frequent offenders may have a serious form of sexual compulsiveness. The symptoms of this disorder are engaging in risky sexual practices, having multiple sex partners, or having sex while high or drunk. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who engages in these practices. They can give you an STI, for one thing. And they’ll break your heart.
Now, there are effective treatments and therapies for these problems like sexual compulsivity. But if you want a cheating partner to get better, they might not want to change their behavior. People like this often don’t want treatment. If they do get treatment, it takes a long time to see any significant results and improvement.
You have good reason to be concerned if you’re involved with someone who’s cheating on you or has cheated on their partners in the past. Only you can decide if the relationship is worth saving. But if you want to continue, be prepared for a bumpy ride. Rather than “forgive and forget,” it’s best to address your unhappiness with the situation head-on. If he’s not willing to get treatment, that probably spells trouble, be sure you get help for yourself too because dealing with this incredibly difficult situation requires a lot of emotional support.
The best course of action for dealing with a cheater is to avoid them in the first place. But how can you tell if a guy is bad news in the faithfulness department?
1. Slow down and take your time.
The best tool to help you determine if a guy is going to cheat on you is time. It’s simple, boring, and might not seem very sexy, but it works. When you are slow to get involved, you have the time to find out more about him and figure out what kind of problems he’s had in his past relationships.
Of course, you want to protect your heart, so don’t fall in love with him while you’re figuring out whether or not he can be trusted. Let him prove to you that he’s worthy of opening your heart to him.
2. Be honest with yourself.
If he’s checking out other women on your date, if he doesn’t seem to be very into you, or if his last relationship sounds like it was full of tension and conflict, pay attention. These are huge red flags.
He may not spell out for you in plain English that he cheated in his last relationship, but you may be able to pick up some clues of negative interactions and communication problems. Don’t assume everything will be different with you. People often repeat similar issues in their next relationship.
3. Don’t overlook his history or yours.
A 2017 study on cheating found that people who admitted they cheated in their first relationships were three times more likely to report that they cheated in their next relationship. Those who knew their partner cheated in their first relationship were twice as likely to say their next partner also cheated.
Are you attracted to cheaters?
Listen for clues that there was discord in his relationships. People don’t have to cheat when they’re unhappy in a relationship. There are more constructive and mature ways to manage that dissatisfaction.
Have you been involved with a cheater? Any ideas of how you might have known in the early stages? How will you keep from making a similar mistake again? Leave us a comment below.