It’s a New Age belief that if you can envision and imagine your goal has come true, then the universe will somehow make it happen through a magical, inspiring process of electromagnetic engineering. Now that Thanksgiving is fast approaching, positive thinking regarding your goals for romance can take center stage. But what exactly does the power of positive thinking and imagining your success have to do with this famous and beloved holiday?
That’s a good question.
The “power of positive thinking” process involves believing that change is happening. And that you feel joyous and grateful for that change that hasn’t technically happened to you yet. The key to imagining your success has to do with the feelings of gratitude that change has occurred.
This process of positive thinking and imagining success before it happens may seem a little far-fetched or out of touch with reality. But the way it works is you’re supposed to feel and act as though you’ve already reached your goal. Eventually, your goal will come true.
I live in California, so I’m fascinated with these New Age ideas. As a psychiatrist, I hear my patients talk about them and the power of positive thinking and imagining success before it occurs. I feel I should know something about these techniques for success and have some general opinions about whether they are useful or harmful for your dating and romance situation.
I don’t pretend to understand the physics that might prove or disprove this particular belief, but I do think it may have some value regarding someone’s perceptions about dating and romance. As long as you have some idea of what reality is and what’s realistic, and as long as you’re willing to do the work required to meet your goal what could be harmful about believing your dream can come true?
When you feel your dream is hopeless, you’re not likely to be as motivated to do what’s necessary to make it happen. In essence, the power of positive thinking protects and fuels your motivation to reach your goals. Motivation and mindset are so powerful and can make or break your ability to stay the course.
Let’s look at Debra and Alisa and see how the power of positive thinking applies to them.
Debra wants to find a wonderful man and get married. So what’s holding her back? Debra feels that she isn’t confident enough to make it happen. As a result, Debra puts off dating or learning about men or relationships. She also becomes negative, complaining about her life, and watching a lot of television instead of putting herself in positions to meet eligible men. But Alisa is different.
Alisa wants to find a wonderful man and get married, but she’s determined, unlike Debra. She’s also realistic and aware that she isn’t super confident or a great beauty. Realistically, Alisa understands that it might take a while for her to find Mr. Right, since there may be fewer men in her age range who are good at relationships and commitments, and she has a couple of things working against her (don’t we all). But Alisa is OK with waiting.
When she was younger, she didn’t make the best choices when it came to men and relationships. But she hasn’t allowed it to make her bitter and cynical and instead has learned a lot of valuable lessons from her less-than-optimal past relationship. The more Alisa learned from her past mistakes, even through all the hurt and disappointment, the better she began to feel about making good choices in the future.
Unlike Debra, Alisa has a vision of the kind of relationship she wants. With her positive mindset, Alisa knows she will be able to recognize a good relationship, as long as she’s open to meeting nice men and keeps in mind everything she’s learned.
Who do you think is more likely to end up in a relationship with her Mr. Right?
Debra’s not very likely to meet any eligible men in her apartment watching TV. She probably isn’t learning a lot of new information about why her past relationships didn’t work and how to change the trajectory of her dating experiences. In essence, she’s put her love life on hold because she thinks her goal is hopeless. When you can visualize your goal as something in your reach, like Alisa, you’re going to be more willing to do the work necessary to make your dreams come true.
It’s a myth that being negative or defeatist about goals is “realistic” or somehow noble. This misconception also states that positive people view their goals with gratitude and as if they’ve already reached them as being naive. But imagining your success will help you maintain and protect your motivation to achieve those very goals you want to practice being grateful for. When you allow negativity and defeat to become your foremost thoughts for dating, then how is that realistic? The thing is, it’s not.
Which woman do you relate to more, Debra or Alisa? Would you consider changing your perspective on Thanksgiving to one of gratitude and positivity for the future? Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.
