When it comes to progress, many people seem to think that all change is good. In reality, some changes can have both good and bad consequences. Progress in the women’s movement for equality has faced such struggles, like when we earned the ability to work outside the home only to find ourselves doing 20 hour days to stay on top of it all. Women now have the freedom to ask men out and have casual sex, but we see this as so positive that we’re blind to the ways that it has robbed us of protecting ourselves.
The Confusing New Dating World
One of the most popular news headlines last week brought attention to how women’s fight for equality has led to confusing changes with modern dating – especially for women:
In Washington DC, a man named Justin set up dates with six different women in one night, all to be met at the same bar. He met most of these women online, with some having traveled over 30 minutes for the date. It turns out Justin had tight time slots for each date that overlapped, causing woman after woman to be alerted to his inappropriate behavior. In each case, Justin found a different excuse to explain his actions, finally saying that this was how he efficiently sifted through the large dating pool. Ultimately, the six different women he had planned on meeting that night came together to watch the saga unfold, while Justin supposedly went home alone.
The night was documented live on Twitter, leading to a great deal of online discussion and media publicity for Justin. In fact, he told the Washington Post that he “got paid off real well” to share his side of the story.
Why did Justin feel like he could treat women this way? Ultimately, these women wasted a night on an insensitive man who made a decent amount of money off of the fiasco. With society pushing women to have casual sex and make the first move. Many men seem to have stopped competing for our attention and feeling the need to treat us well. In modern dating, it seems as if even the job of chasing after a date has become women’s responsibility in addition to housework, homework, work-work, etc. Women’s freedom to take the initiative seems to have backfired.
What Is Women’s Power in Dating?
The coverage of this story began with live tweets and ended with articles in major national news outlets. The women involved said that they felt like they were getting back at Justin by publicly shaming him, but so far, Justin has become infamous online and at least a little wealthier thanks to the money he has made by providing interviews to various news outlets on this story.
Real power for women in the dating arena isn’t wasting an evening with an insensitive guy and then shaming him in public. Real power is being treated well by men and being able to protect ourselves from the men who won’t treat us well. Our culture tells women today that we have more power by asking men out on dates, paying for dinner, and sex without commitment. But the opposite is often true: this dynamic just makes it easier for some not-so-nice men to take women for granted. If Justin’s six dates had waited for him to put in the effort to date them in a more traditional way, they probably never would have ended up on a date with him at all. Don’t think these six women were at fault, though. Our strange dating culture is to blame.
Justin is not just one bad apple in a healthy orchard. Women are losing the power to protect themselves within modern dating. While reversing the traditional dating roles is supposed to empower women, in this case it robbed them of some power as well.
Traditional dating model works or not?
In my experience working with patients, the traditional dating model works better for women in cases like this because it gives us more protective power: basically, the woman is in the position of screening the men to see if they are worthy. They have to prove to her that they are nice guys, possibly even competing with other men.
The Strength of Self-Empowerment
The example of these six women can help change our approach to dating and our unhealthy dating culture. Empowerment for women isn’t as simple as being able to ask men out or have casual sex. Real power is figuring out what works for you and standing up for what you really want. It’s okay to have expectations of men, on the first date and all those that come after. This is also okay for you to screen the men you meet so that you don’t waste an evening with an insensitive man. It’s okay for you to want him to make the first contact or expect him to call you first.
Women’s liberation means the freedom to choose whatever works for you. I have begun to call this being your own Brand of Sexy. Being your own Brand of Sexy means figuring out what you want, what works for you as an individual, and what will help you achieve your relationship goals – whatever they may be. Join the revolution of women who are learning how to have confidence in themselves and create the relationships they have always wanted.
Wondering where all this advice and wisdom are coming from? Would you like to put a face with a name? Come take the discussion a step further by seeing who I am and what I am talking about. My YouTube channel has a lot of short videos that you might find interesting, all based on my years of experience as a doctor and a woman. Join me in the sisterhood and be your own Brand of Sexy!
Get more dating secrets in my multi award-winning book:
Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women, called “a must have book for all women dating or looking to date” by Bestsellersworld.com.