How to Find Love after 50: 7 Proven Secrets


If you’re over 50, you’re not a newbie in the relationship department. Perhaps you’ve been married in the past, or simply had a string of unsuccessful relationships; in any case, if you find yourself single now, you may feel like you’re starting from scratch. The good news is, your life experience will aid you in finding love again.

Dating When You’re Older Is Different

You’re not 20 anymore, and some of the romantic sheen has probably worn away from your ideal of love. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, or maybe you’re doubtful that it’s even possible to find love at your age.

The statistics say it’s entirely possible for you to find love after 50. Pew research reports that in 2013, two-thirds (67%) of previously married adults ages 55 to 64 had remarried, and 50% of adults ages 65 and older had remarried. Men are more likely to remarry than women, probably because more men than women want to remarry. These statistics show you can find love again.

If you’ve been independent for some time, you might find it difficult to make compromises; you’re probably comfortable in your routine, and allowing someone to step in and shake things up can be decidedly unsettling.

Finding Love after 50 Is Better

We’ve covered the pain points of dating after 50, now let’s dive into the good stuff: finding love at this age has some distinct advantages.

Most importantly, you are more likely to know what you want in a relationship, to communicate it clearly, and to simply step away if your needs aren’t being met. You might have allowed someone’s looks or finances to sway you decades ago, but there’s no chiseled jawline or hefty bank account that can convince a confident woman over 50 to compromise on her values.

Speaking of confidence, you’ve probably got a lot more of it now than you did in your 20’s. When you’re not focused so much on pleasing others, you can invest in a relationship that truly benefits you, and Mr. Right will find your self-assuredness endlessly appealing.

The Secrets to Finding Love

Without further ado, it’s time to discuss the 7 secrets to finding love after 50. These secrets would realistically help you find love at any age, but your experience makes you uniquely poised to leverage this advice into getting the love you want.  

  1.  Appreciate yourself.

When you live in a culture that’s so focused on eternal youth and elastic beauty, it’s understandable if you doubt yourself sometimes. Focus on finding a man who adores both your personality and your current beauty; make a list of 10 traits you love about yourself to practice appreciating yourself.

  1.  Leave the predictable.

I get it, you probably love your life as it is; it’s like a well-constructed puzzle that’s just missing one central piece. The problem is, if you don’t step outside of your comfort zone, you might never meet anyone to fill that void. Try taking some classes or online dating. Figure out ways to meet new people.

  1.  Let your past guide you.

What has your fatal flaw been in previous relationships? Do you tend to fall for men who are emotionally unavailable, want mothering, or are narcissistic? Whatever has gone wrong for you in the past, allow it to inform your journey now. Staying aware of unhealthy tendencies will help you avoid them; you might even consider discussing your issues with a therapist. Try creating a list of patterns you’ve noticed in your love life that you want to change.

  1.  Think positive.

I know it can be discouraging to meet men who don’t live up to your ideal, but if you keep a sunny perspective, you’ll eventually meet the one.  It’s too easy to give up when you think your journey is hopeless or unpleasant. As an added bonus, a positive disposition is very attractive to men; when you focus on things that bring you joy, ask dates about what they like to do, smile, laugh, and simply radiate light, men will gravitate toward you.

  1.  Be realistic.

 Contrary to what every romantic comedy plot line has primed us to believe, finding love takes time. Sparks might not fly instantly, but a relationship could slowly blossom. You could make new friends, or acquaintances that you’ll never see again. Try to approach dating with a sense of openness: you’re meeting someone new, who knows where it could lead?

  1.  Be age appropriate.

In all likelihood, you don’t have the desire to dress or act like you’re in your 20’s anymore, particularly when it comes to dating, but you can still be playful and fun at any age. Wear something that makes you feel sexy and confident at your current age; try to envision that outfit ahead of time so you’re ready to start meeting men.

  1.  Practice flirting.

Are you an unabashed flirt? Do you blush even thinking about the concept? Either way, it’s time to brush up on your skills, but don’t stress—it’s a lot like riding a bicycle. You did it once, and you never really forget how; once you get back on the bike, muscle memory will kick in and it’ll all come back to you. Smile, laugh, and tease him a little if the moment calls for it. Be a little playful with him—even if you’re not that interested right now, you need the practice, and flirting is harmless.

The Bottom Line Is…

Finding a soulmate after 50 isn’t just vaguely possible, it’s well within your reach. Simply work on some of these areas that need a little attention. Maybe you just need some practice thinking about and eventually starting the dating process. Find the courage to make the changes needed to move forward to find love again.

Are you excited to test out these secrets to finding love after 50? Which of these areas are challenging for you?

Leave us a comment below.  We always love to hear from you.

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  • Julie says:

    Thank you Susan for the great advice and instruction.
    The question I have is this. I lost my husband of 41 years 8 years ago. When I meet someone I’m interested in I find I feel guilty in moving forward. How can I make a new life when I have trouble setting aside the old life.

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Julie,

      I’m sorry I’m just seeing your message now.

      You’re having trouble getting over the loss of your husband.

      You would benefit greatly from getting some professional help for your situation.

      Please invest in your future by getting help.

      Dr. Susan

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