Do you know that something isn’t working in your love life, but you’re not quite sure what the problem is?
Do you feel like you have recurring issues with the men you meet or date?
Have you had a series of crash and burn relationships?
Are the men you meet just not looking for what you want?
Are you attracted to emotionally unavailable men?
Or is it some other problem that’s not as straightforward?
While dating may not exactly be a science, you can learn skills and strategies that can make the entire process more effective and enjoyable.
Dating can be a fun exploration of yourself and a search for the right partner, not a walk in a mine field of emotions. Try these 5 strategies to help take your love life up a notch.
Dr. Susan’s 5 Essentials to Dating and Relationship Success
1. Commitment
Are you committed? Think about this question carefully. When you’re truly dedicated, you make a lasting commitment to yourself to tackle your situation head on, regardless of the obstacles. Even if you feel you are committed, have you asked yourself if you are acting committed?
Actions speak louder than words. For example, you might say you really want to lose 5 pounds, but then you eat chocolate every night. Your actions are saying you really don’t want to lose the weight badly enough to change your behavior.
2. Objectivity
Can you take a step back and objectively think about your faults and mistakes? For most of us, the honest answer is no. This means that many of us have difficulty understanding how our behavior and opinions affect our relationships.
Take Ramona for example. She wants a serious relationship, but has been getting sexually involved with guys who ultimately just want something casual. Her friends had told her that casual sex would give her more power in her relationships, but instead she just feels unappreciated and like she’s going nowhere fast.
Eventually, Ramona paused and looked at her situation objectively. She realized that she needed to do what felt right for her rather than listen to her friends. When she finally listened to her instincts, dialed back the casual sex, and weeded out the non-serious guys, she finally started to meet some real contenders for a relationship.
3. Discipline
Whenever you’re changing old patterns, a certain amount of discipline is required to stop you from constantly relapsing. The great thing about having discipline, though, is it can help you gain confidence and self-respect.
Maybe you have a habit of dating players, for example. You decide to change that. Then you go out with a guy who’s already checking out other women while on your date. Even though you see that red flag, you start making excuses for him in your head and telling yourself that he could still be a really nice guy.
Having discipline means seeing that red flag for what it is. It means being honest with yourself. It means that even if you are still attracted to this guy despite his behavior, you listen to your disciplined self and steer clear of old mistakes.
4. Accountability
We all need someone to report back to or check in with to make sure we are staying on the path we’ve laid out for ourselves. Whether it’s a mentor or therapist, having someone to help you avoid falling into old patterns can be life-saving. It’s great to confide in your girlfriends too, but if many of them are single, they may have similar blind spots and not be as effective as a mentor who you believe to have a good relationship.
That’s one reason why we have an active community that can help you on your dating journey. The Be Your Own Brand of Sexy sisterhood is here when you need someone to cheer you on or guide you when you feel lost.
5. Clarity
Many dating experts contradict each other trying to promote the “right” ways to approach modern dating. There is no right way for all women. We are all different, so what works for your best friend might not work for you.
For example, the 1995 best-selling dating book, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right encouraged women to categorize themselves into one of a few groups based mostly on age and sexual history. An 18 year-old virgin, for instance, was encouraged to save herself until finding a committed relationship, while a 39 year-old woman was advised to only wait a month or two before having sex. The Rules didn’t encourage women to think through what worked best for them, only to carefully follow ‘The Rules’.
I must tell you there is no actual rulebook for dating. You have to write your own, personalized rules for what’s right for you. That’s what being your own Brand of Sexy is all about.
Begin recognizing your unique relationship needs and plotting out a course to find Mr. Right. Become your own Brand of Sexy with the support and sisterhood of our community.
