Everything was great at first. You and your man seemed so in love, spent loads of time together, and you were finally feeling like you had found the one. Then, something happened, and you notice he started to pull away. What gives?
There are several reasons why a man might pull back out of the blue. Even if his distance might have nothing to do with you or your relationship, it can still be a scary feeling to watch a gap form between the two of you and wonder how big it might grow. You may ask yourself if he’s lost interest or even start to worry that your relationship is over, but there could be many more benign reasons to explain this change in dynamic.
Your romance may have fully flowered by now, and you’re just returning to normal, non rom-com life with all its complexities. Maybe he’s dealing with some things at work, or family issues that have to be addressed. It’s even possible that he’s spent so much time with you in the beginning that he ignored other parts of his life, like his friends, and he’s trying to make up for it. These are all potential reasons for why he’s pulling away now that has nothing to do with you, or your relationship!
Here Are the Mistakes You Should Avoid
It’s very important to take any kind of separation in stride. You don’t want to scare him when things are going well. Seeing him pull away a bit can be scary, and might push you to make a mistake that could end up hurting your relationship.
Be careful not to make these 3 common mistakes that women make when men pull away:
A while ago he wanted to spend all his time with you, but now, suddenly, your dates are getting less frequent. Is he going to dump you?!
Listen, panic is not your friend because it prevents you from correctly analyzing what’s going on, and pushes you to some dark thoughts. Every man is going to need his space sometimes, and if you’re visibly uncomfortable with that, you might come off as needy and clingy. A man doesn’t want to have to worry that you’ll be a wreck if he can’t spend time with you because he has other plans.
And you really don’t have to be scared. Space can help your relationship. It will give him the chance to miss you, which can lead him to realize he loves you. If he doesn’t miss you when you’re apart, then your relationship doesn’t have much of a future.
- Trying to Get Closer to Him
Whether you just want to text or talk to him, or you want to resolve any ongoing issues between you, it’s best to resist the impulse of trying to get closer the moment he signals that he needs his space.
A healthy relationship thrives when each partner has their own space. Yours too will work a lot better if you can recognize that a bit of space is what’s best for him, and not try to make the situation about you.
For instance, imagine how Rob feels when he’s got a huge deadline at work he’s worried about, and his sister has a health crisis on top of that. Now imagine how the situation would make him feel if Jessica, his girlfriend, would call him after a day or two of not hearing from him to make sure there is no problem between them. What’s Rob going to think? He may ask himself if the relationship with Jessica is a lot more high maintenance than he initially thought. And, though he wasn’t second-guessing the relationship until that point, he may now.
- Blaming Yourself
Women often have a familiar list of self-critical thoughts that are all too easy to revert to when there is even a shadow of trouble. If you’re afraid of being alone, it might not be only the panic button that gets pushed – your mind might wander to a lot of dark places.
You may start to think “Of course he hasn’t called. I’m not thin, attractive, smart, confident, or fill in the blank enough for him.” You may even convince yourself that you’re the reason he’s pulling away because he suddenly realized that you’re not good enough for him.
Everyone has faults, and it’s important to be aware of them and to use that self-awareness constructively. Being too hard on yourself doesn’t help your cause – in fact, it may make it worse. You’d be better off telling yourself “I might have pushed him away when he called and I asked him insistently where he’d been for so long and why he didn’t call me. Maybe I put him on the defensive side and sounded critical, which isn’t what I want to do anymore. I’m going to work on that.”
Being hard on yourself for having these thoughts isn’t the answer. Your mind has good reason to go to these places, either because of some fear of being single, or past relationships. But letting yourself go to these places won’t help your relationship or prevent the heartbreak. Analyzing your feelings and looking at the situation objectively will.
Do you often panic when a man starts pulling away? How would you like to handle this situation in the future? Tell me your story in the comments, I always love hearing from you!