Confidence is not necessary for you to find and keep a good relationship.
Surprised? I know, this is the opposite of what you’ve constantly heard.
If you believe the unfortunate myth that you must fully love yourself before you can find a partner, it’s not your fault. We are constantly bombarded with messages about how critical it is to be beautiful, materialistic, and egocentric. They say being confident in relationships is essential. Our complicated culture sends messages to perfectly normal, sweet, and healthy people who would make great romantic partners telling them they are simply not good enough for love.
They tell us that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love others. Think about this carefully. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love anyone else. Do you really believe this is true? It absolutely is not!
Although this might be intended to be a helpful message, the idea of loving yourself fully before you can love others has some toxic repercussions. Think it might make you feel insecure when it comes to loving others? Yes. The unfortunate message is: you’re not doing it right.
That said, although unwavering self-confidence is not necessary in your quest for a relationship, a little bit of it can make the process much easier for you. When you feel insecure about what you bring to a relationship, dating can make you very nervous. That stress can make it harder for you to enjoy dating. And, if your nervousness makes the date very awkward, it might narrow your choices in the dating world. Feeling more confident in relationships is likely to help you with other areas of your life, too. Why not try to become more confident to completely relax and have fun with dating? First, you deserve to enjoy yourself. Secondly, men will be more likely to think they can make you happy which will help improve your potential connections. Why would he want to ask you out again if he can’t make you happy?
So why not try on these ways of thinking to see if you can get used to them? Knowing your worth in relationships makes them more enjoyable. You don’t have to worry about pleasing your partner which isn’t going to be possible all the time. Here are the ways that confident women think that help them with dating and relationships:
1. Someday I’ll meet the right partner.
A confident woman knows some relationships just don’t work out. Rather than worrying that she’ll never meet anyone, she knows she has a lot to offer the right man. She wants to meet a lot of men to figure out which one is the best match for her. She knows there are plenty of fish in the sea.
While each man she dates has the possibility of being the right man for her, most don’t because of circumstances, personalities, or timing. If it doesn’t work out—he’s a meat eater and she’s a vegetarian, or he’s a workaholic and she prefers more together-time—she knows that it just wasn’t the right match this time. Rather than taking rejection personally, she knows other factors are involved.
2. I can take my time.
A woman who is confident in relationships knows she’s worth waiting for and wants the time to get to know whether a man will be a good match for her. Is he interested in building a relationship? Can he make the kind of commitment she wants? She needs to know whether they will have the kind of relationship that she wants.
She doesn’t feel pressured to “give in” to sex after a date or two just to keep a guy around. She knows what she wants out of life and relationships and is willing to wait for a man who fits her values.
3. I’m comfortable saying “no” to what I don’t want.
A confident woman feels comfortable setting boundaries with the men she dates. Whether a man asks questions that she feels are too personal or he pushes for sex before she is ready, she is comfortable saying “no” in ways that are graceful and dignified. She knows the right man will be OK with that feedback because he wants to make her happy.
4. She can tell if they can create the relationship she wants.
A woman who is confident in relationships knows that she can tell the difference between a keeper and a man who won’t make her happy. She is not swayed by good looks, 6-pack abs, or wealth, because she wants a relationship with a man who will listen, support, and accept her, even if she is in a bad mood or not looking her best.
She knows when to move on. If she doesn’t feel valued, listened to, respected, or appreciated, she knows when to speak up and let him know how she feels. If he doesn’t listen after she’s plainly stated her expectations, she knows when it’s time to move on.
5. I’m good enough to find love.
A confident woman accepts herself—”flaws” and all. She doesn’t try to meet the unattainable beauty messages that media and culture put on women.
She has realistic expectations. Not every man will find her attractive or interesting. That is OK with her because she is only looking for one man. The right man for her will appreciate her inner beauty, rather than simply judging her based on her external appearance.
The only difference between you and a woman who is confident in relationships is how you think. You can learn the skills you need to become more confident in dating. You just need to act now!
Take Action Questions:
Ask yourself these questions to help you become a more confident woman:
- Which of these areas do you want to start with?
- How can you start changing that belief today?
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