Are there no good men left out there?


When you’re the one currently wading in through the morass known as modern dating, it’s incredibly tempting to complain and think that there aren’t any good men left out there. Sometimes though, it’s not the men’s fault. In fact, it’s probably hard for you to tell when your dating skills are the issue. Your skills might be a little rusty, but with some practice and tweaking, you can instantly improve your dating life, and find and keep a good man.

They do exist. Promise.

We can all use a little dating practice. When you haven’t been on a date in a while, you’re going to be incredibly nervous and unsure of yourself. That’s a reasonable response to an unfamiliar, and stressful situation. There is far more pressure on the date’s outcome, and your behavior and your date’s behavior if you’re inexperienced. After all, you just don’t know what to expect of yourself or him. If things don’t work out, you can be crushed. Having high, or unrealistic expectations is typical when you’re inexperienced, but having high hopes and dreams dashed on the rocks of inexperience creates a vicious cycle where you start to feel jaded on each successive date. It’ll seem like nothing will ever work and there isn’t a decent man out there for you. Don’t despair; there is a way to fix this. All you need is a little bit of practice.

When you focus on dating practice, you work on your skills of getting to know and appreciate a new man as a unique individual. Practicing these types of skills will also serve you in other areas of your life.

One of the biggest mistakes women make when they are inexperienced with dating is pinning their hopes and dreams on the first man they like. They suddenly stop all dating efforts and lock themselves down, and in a lot of cases, the feeling isn’t mutual. Just because you like him doesn’t mean the relationship has any viable future. Don’t let your skills get rusty! Always keep your options open when you’re new to dating and take the time to find out who truly has potential with you, or if it’s just wishful thinking on your part.

Look what happened to Pam when she decided, far too soon, that Rick was the one for her.

Pam hated dating. She hated it so much she wanted to stop doing it.

When Pam met Rick, she just knew her dreaded dating days were finally over. Rick was everything she was looking for: smart, funny, successful, attractive. Plus, the two of them seemed to click.

After their second date, Pam was so excited about Rick that she told all of her friends that she’d met her future husband. She saw no reason to keep dating anyone else because Pam wasn’t interested in anyone else (and she hated dating. Yuck).

Like so many women do when they prematurely think they’ve met ‘the one,’ Pam spent an ungodly amount of her time trying to figure out what Rick would like so she could make him happy. She called and texted him a lot. But, this only pushed Rick away. He stopped calling and texting her. In fact, he quit responding to her messages. Of course, Pam got very worried when he pulled away. She suggested they talk.

What happened?

Rick just wanted to be friends.

Pam made a common mistake. She killed the mystery in their budding relationship.

Sexual relationships are incredibly tricky to navigate. Not only do we want our partners to be our best friends, but we also need them to be attractive to us. We expect security from our best friend, but we demand surprise and intrigue to keep sexual tension alive.

So what was Pam’s biggest mistake? Pam chased Rick. And was it because Rick was just so awesome to Pam, or was it because Pam was more than ready to stop dating? Chances are, Pam’s attraction to Rick gave her the perfect excuse, at least in her mind, to put off dating forever because she found the process so unpleasant.

Of course, Rick didn’t reciprocate her feelings. Pam, by chasing him, took away his agency and his prerogative as a man to pursue her. Pam didn’t give Rick a choice in the matter, and she failed to communicate and listen to his feelings about their relationship until it was too late. By not continuing with the dating process and letting the relationship naturally progress to the next level, Pam sabotaged the fledgling relationship.

If you don’t want to end up in the friend-zone like Pam, you need to practice dating. As you can see, Pam wasn’t very experienced in this arena, and it cost her what could have possibly been a fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever made a similar mistake as Pam? What did you learn from it? And are you doing anything to sharpen your dating chops? Let us know in the comments!


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  • Mish says:

    I pulled a Pam and I think dating sucks. I know I need practice flirting and dating but I think it still sucks. Like the time I locked eyes with this charmer but was too nervous to smile back and yeh that never happened…..or when a man I spoke to on POF for a month turned out to be a scammer….( but he couldn’t scam me). My favorite was when this military guy sent me uncensored and unwanted pics of himself…. (insert sarcastic tone).

    I am not giving up….truth is, I have no problem talking to anyone but dating, that’s something else. I’m going to a singles event soon to get out and practice smiling. I’ve got the eye contact down.

    Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind….if God would just send him along…when I least expect it…and it happens naturally, rather than all this dating mumbo jumbo.

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Mish,

      Thank you for getting in touch.

      Dating certainly has its challenges.

      It sounds like you are learning a lot. Maybe you’re even entertaining your friends with your fascinating stories.

      I’m glad to hear you aren’t giving up.

      You have a real advantage that you have no problem talking to anyone.

      That’s great that you’re getting out there and practicing smiling.

      Let us know how the singles event goes.

      Are you starting to appreciate nice men?

      Believe it or not, that can help with being in a hurry to stop dating.

      When you begin to appreciate how good men treat you, then you’re more in the zone of being grateful and you have some hope that you might be able to meet someone wonderful.

      When you’re dying to get out of the dating world, it makes it harder to take your time and protect your heart.

      Keep us posted!

      Dr. Susan

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