Could you be turning men off without realizing it?
Although women and men are equal in many regards, we cannot ignore some of the things that set us apart. For example, the way we communicate.
Just think about the way you behave around your girlfriends. You probably aren’t flirty and alluring around them since your goal isn’t to be attractive. You are more likely to let your hair down and just be yourself.
But, when you’re getting to know a man, you want him to be curious to get to know you better. You don’t want to reveal everything about yourself on the first date. The last thing you want to do is turn him off without even knowing you are doing it!
How do you do that? Let’s get into the nitty-gritty. Here are 7 behaviors that can end your relationship before it begins:
#1: Asking How You Look
With a culture that constantly bombards women about the importance of appearance, we can start to feel more than a little insecure about how we look. But he doesn’t need to know that. When you ask a man if you look fat or to critique your outfit, you put him in an impossible situation. Do you really want to know the answer? Can he be honest with you without hurting your feelings? Should he just lie? Don’t make him tense without a good reason.
#2: Putting Yourself Down
Women are generally less confident than men. It’s called the “confidence gap.” So it can be very obvious to a man that you aren’t very confident when you complain about any of your perceived shortcomings. If he thinks you are wonderful, and you criticize yourself, he might start to think that you aren’t as terrific as he thought. Be careful about using self-deprecating humor for the same reason. It can come off as being too hard on yourself.
#3: Saying Too Much
We are used to telling our girlfriends everything about how we feel and all the details of what happened to us. When you are first getting to know a man, that can be too much information. You want to create a little mystery and make him want to get to know you better. If you tell him all the gory details of your last breakup, you can give him the impression that you are not over your ex. Not to mention, you do not create a positive atmosphere for a fresh start with a new man.
Along those lines, you also never want to tell a man how you always date jerks, that you hate men or don’t need one in your life, or how many men you have slept with. Men want to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated. Save these details for your girlfriends or your therapist.
#4: Criticizing Other People
It isn’t unusual for women to gossip with our friends. Recent research has shown that gossip has some redeeming qualities. Scientists think it’s a way for us to learn about cultural norms and to bond with other people. It may even promote cooperation with other people and help you to gauge your social standing. When you find fault with other people on your date, it can backfire. You might come off as defensive as if you are blaming others because of your own issues. Try to stay away from criticizing others when you are first getting to know a new man.
#5: Asking Too Many Personal Questions
One of the biggest turn-offs in a relationship that is just beginning is grilling your date with personal questions. Ideally, your first few dates will be fun, relaxing, and free of conflict. So don’t start by putting him on the defensive or asking a lot of personal questions that might be unpleasant or uncomfortable to answer. “Are you looking for a relationship?” might be premature to ask on the first date. Similarly, stay away from, “What happened to your last relationship?” unless he asks you first. Getting a second date is more important than getting a lot of your questions answered when you are first getting to know him.
#6: Being Too Mysterious
You don’t want to be too hard to get. It’s too discouraging for a man. Briefly answer his questions without getting into too much detail that would leave nothing to his imagination. If something is bugging you about him, and he asks you what is bothering you, be honest. Don’t say, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” He may be able to tell that you are not being honest. If you aren’t sure how to talk to him about it, you can just say, “I’m not comfortable with that.” Less is more.
#7: Asking for Reassurance
If you’ve gotten burned with men in the past, you naturally might fear getting rejected again. You could be tempted to ask him to reassure you that he won’t dump you as the other men did. But, if these are your first dates and you are just getting to know him, this behavior can come off as insecure and needy. It’s one of the most common instant turn-offs. After all, you’re still trying to figure out if you and he are a match.
To some extent, uncertainty in a relationship is part of what keeps chemistry alive. It goes both ways. He doesn’t know whether or not you will stick around either. Share your fears with your friends or a therapist, not the new man in your life. Not rushing to get involved is the best way for you to see if his feelings for you are likely to be real and lasting.
Your Next Success Steps:
Don’t end your relationship before it begins. Avoid this turn-offs list so that you can put your best foot forward with the new man in your life.
Are any of these behaviors hard for you to change? Leave us a message below. We always love to hear from you!