When you’re ready to find love, meeting a lot of Mr. Wrongs while looking for Mr. Right is a painful experience. It can seem like it’s taking forever to find that special someone. While time continues to fly by, do you ever worry that your situation is hopeless, or if something’s wrong with you? You may find yourself asking these types of questions:
Will he ever come along?
Am I not desirable, or attractive enough?
Am I too picky?
Looking for the right man can be discouraging. And the pool of eligible men shrinks as women get older. It can seem like time is an unbeatable enemy when it comes to finding love. While the situation may be difficult, it’s not hopeless. There are good men out there who want a relationship with someone like you.
A lot of women worry that the problem is their looks. Our cultural obsession with unrealistic and unattainable beauty ideals leave many women feeling insecure about their appearances. But your looks don’t matter as much as the media would have you believe. There is a lid for every pot. Most men aren’t looking for supermodels and women who resemble celebrities. It’s possible for you to find men who are attracted to you.
If that’s the case, then why is your quest for love and companionship taking so long?
It could be that you’re too picky. But, it’s complicated. There’s not really anything inherently wrong with being selective about who you choose to settle down with and share your life. You need to have shared values and compatibility for a long-term relationship to be satisfying and successful. If your values are too different, or your communication styles don’t align well, your relationship will be rocky and probably won’t last. For these things, being choosey makes sense. And it’s good to have standards to protect yourself, but those standards need to be reasonable. Being too picky in other areas can be a huge problem.
This recent online dating study found that most women and men who date online pursue partners that they deem 25% more desirable than themselves. It’s okay to try and aim for a more desirable partner to find out where you stand in terms of desirability. But, if you want to settle down, you might want to consider if your standards are realistic.
It’s possible that you can attract a higher-level man, but you’ll need to work on yourself to become a higher-level partner.
Are you willing to do that? Or do you need to choose someone who is more on your current level? Is it possible that you’re attracted to unavailable men because you have a fear of intimacy?
Your friends and family might suggest that you get into a relationship just for companionship or comfort, but they might just worry about you being lonely. Only you know what is right for you. But keep in mind that settling for a short-term relationship isn’t a good choice if that’s not something you want. If you get into a short-term fling, you’re getting taken off the market for meeting men that are long-term relationship material. If that’s your goal, then settling for a short-lived relationship is going to distract you from meeting Mr. Right and settling down.
If you’re clear about what you want, you’ll have an easier time of recognizing Mr. Right when he finally shows up. Sometimes, being choosey or having standards means that you know what you want in a relationship. It that might also mean that it will take longer for you to meet the right person. You’ve raised the bar, which means a lot of men won’t be able to meet it. That’s okay if your standards are related to compatibility and shared values.
When you want something badly, it can seem like it’s taking longer to obtain it than if you didn’t desire it so much. When it comes to finding love, it can seem like it’s taking way too long. But, if your standards are healthy and reasonable, don’t lower them just to beat the clock. For long-term relationship success, you want to meet the right person for you.
While you’re waiting to find Mr. Right, you can continue to work on your confidence and relationship skills. Learning how to be Your Own Brand of Sexy can help you figure out how to attract the right kind of man in your life, and how to sustain a healthy relationship with him when he finally does arrive.
Are you confident that you’ll recognize Mr. Right when he shows up? Are you unsure of whether your list of requirements and standards are realistic? Perhaps we can help clear some things up for you. Please let us know in the comments what you’re struggling with. Or feel free to share your dating successes! We love to hear from readers like you.