When you’ve been dating awhile, it can take a lot of time, energy, and determination to keep putting yourself out there when you’ve seemed to have little results to show for it. And if your heart has been bruised and battered, it can be even more challenging to date and risk getting hurt again and again.
You might even bring your baggage from a past relationship to the dating process and unknowingly weed out some guys who might be serious contenders for love. Unless you make a habit of being a good date, you might not have the chance for dating round two.
Why It Matters for You to Be a Good Date Too
If you want to get second dates, it’s important for you to learn to be a good date. Practicing your dating skills on the men you meet is a good way for you to get ready to date Mr. Right. You might have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince Charming. Okay maybe not kiss them, but learn how to be a fun date with them!
When dating, it’s critical to avoid jumping to quick conclusions about who a man is and what he wants based on your previous experiences that may not be correct or even fair. You might even be weeding out some good guys who happened to be off their game that night or who you misinterpreted on the first date. It is also important to approach your dates with an open mind and a basic level of respect.
Isn’t that what you hope for from your dates?
Learning how to cope with dating disappointment and treat your dates with respect is important for your future happiness. Even Mr. Right is likely to be disappointing in some way, someday. You want to be ready to handle that situation. Even if you aren’t thrilled with your current date, you can learn a lot about yourself from the experience.
Giving your dates the sort of treatment and open-mindedness you want to receive can take you a long way towards your dating goals. Don’t let any more good guys slip through your fingers with these three tips on how to be the type of good date you would want to go out with:
Men are people too. They deserve basic respect just like you do, even if they may not be who you expected or hoped they would be. Let’s say, for example, that a man you are on your first date with has a lot less hair than you expected. Maybe you aren’t attracted to him the way you wanted to be, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to be rude or disregard the man’s value as a person. Stop staring at his head and look into his eyes for a minute. As the saying goes, ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. If you want to be treated with respect by men, then you might want to learn how to treat them with respect first.
After all, why would any man want a second date with you if you don’t treat him with respect from the get-go?
Of course it’s very disappointing when your date isn’t your dream man or even remotely what you were hoping for, but that doesn’t mean he has no redeeming qualities. This is not to say you should try to convince yourself to like him. On the contrary, being appreciative like this is an exercise in being able to see past your hang-ups to clearly see the options before you. Everyone is likely to have some good qualities, even if it’s just that he has good taste by wanting to date you! It’s better to learn to feel flattered with that knowledge and to cope with your initial disappointment. You’re far better off learning to be polite and appreciative, even if you aren’t interested. We all have our flaws and our bad days. Believe it or not, you could be weeding out perfectly nice men for unrealistic or unimportant standards like where he went to school or how bald he is.
If you’re missing a great guy because you can’t see past his small negatives to appreciate his major good qualities, you could be sabotaging your love life.
Wouldn’t you want your date to be fair enough to give you the benefit of the doubt so early on?
Even if you’re not thrilled with your date, you can still have a pleasant conversation. After all, you are dating to meet a man but also to get practice at being more successful at dating. Try smiling a little more on your date and see how much more charming you can be. Learning how to make conversation while smiling is an important part of flirting… and this man is a chance for you to improve your flirting skills.
But Dr. Susan, you may think, I don’t want to give him the wrong impression! I’m not interested! Don’t worry, just because you charm him does not mean you have to go out with him again. Don’t you think it will be more fun for the both of you if you at least try to make it a nice experience?
Thank you for all your comments and questions. Your thoughts help me make these posts much more helpful for you. Being respectful, appreciative and charming will help you be a better date and figure out what you want in a man and a relationship.
Please remember, however: if your intuition is telling you that a man you are on a date with is a bad guy, go with your gut and get out of there. In these cases, a lack of appreciation for his better qualities or a snap judgment about him can be a good thing that keeps you safe.
Are you going to start implementing any of these pointers? Which one is the most difficult for you to do? Please leave your comments or questions below.