Can being a people-pleaser mess up your love life?

1
Dec

Have you ever heard the nursery rhyme, “little girls are made of sugar and spice, and everything nice”? From the time they are children all the way to adulthood, society conditions women to keep sweet and seek approval.

Women are supposed to be “good girls” and put other people’s needs ahead of their own. Generally, we’re less confident than men, which puts us under even more pressure to do what other people want. That can get us into a lot of trouble.

When we do what other people want and what they expect us to do, we end up denying our own needs.

When you’re dating and looking for a fulfilling relationship, your needs will help guide you into the right direction, towards a person who is the right one for you. If you deny your needs during this journey to find “The One,” you can easily get lost, making a detour that will cost you in peace of mind and precious time that’s impossible to recover.

Our culture hits us from different sides with many confusing, conflicting messages that compel us to deny our needs. Being a people-pleaser will pull you away from your true self and send you down a path that will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and with the wrong person.

When you live in a culture that focuses on shallow values like sex, youth, and impossible beauty standards, you might think that being a sex object is the only way to find happiness and love. Many women make this mistake, and 90% of women aren’t happy with their appearance.

When your priority is being the best sex object you can be, it can kill your mystery, impair your ability to flirt naturally, and cause you to chase men. Becoming a sex object to please others will sabotage your chances at finding true love and happiness.

It’s more important for your long-term happiness and satisfaction that your top priority is ensuring that men treat you the way you deserve, which is with respect. When you fall into the people-pleasing trap, you’ll be too afraid to get the respect and care that you deserve from men. You’ll be afraid to rock the boat. That’s what happened to Rachel.

Rachel feels that her biggest problem with dating is the way she looks. She’s self-conscious about her appearance when she goes on dates. So what happens? Rachel becomes nervous and inhibited with the men she goes out with. When a man she hardly knows wants to sleep with her, Rachel is flattered. It’s way too hard for her to say “no” regardless of how little she knows the man in question. She is way too afraid of losing his interest. Unfortunately, Rachel keeps ending up in relationships with men who don’t treat her well. After dealing with these situations for way too long, Rachel is coming to the conclusion that “there are no good men left.”

How true is that?

There are tons of good men out there, and one of them is right for you. Rachel is having trouble using her needs to guide her in dating and relationships. Like all women, Rachel wants to be treated well by a good man, but her biggest mistake is she is not making that need of hers a top priority. Instead, she is focusing on being a sex object, thanks to our culture’s toxic messages about appearance, beauty, and male attention. Rachel’s people-pleasing ways have made it difficult for her to weed out the guys that will never make her happy.

When you’re too afraid to say “no” to a man, you allow him to treat you poorly. Being a people-pleaser makes it hard for you to see how much your love life will improve if you’re not afraid to ditch the bad boys and look for someone who is going to treat you with respect.

Are you struggling with saying “no”? If you have people-pleasing tendencies, it can be hard to learn how to create and enforce healthy boundaries in your love life, by using your needs as a guide.

It’s time for you to learn how to be your own Brand of Sexy. That means finding the real, genuine and authentic you who knows what she wants and how to get it.

The Being Your Own Brand of Sexy in 5 Simple Steps course is designed to help you develop that inner voice that will lead you to healthy fulfilling relationships. You’ll come away from the course knowing how to steer clear of toxic people in the dating scene.

Are you ready to find healthy partners who know how to treat you with love and respect? Sign up for the course waiting list. It’s almost ready to go live, and once it does, you’ll be the first to know. Take the course and start dating to find Mr. Right.

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Comments

  • December 1, 2018

    yes, people pleasing causes one to “up the ante”, which becomes impossible, just smile, say hello and be yourself…..

    • December 4, 2018

      Hi Nancy,

      It was nice to hear from you.

      You’re so right.

      You can never please everyone, so why not please yourself?

      I look forward to hearing from you.

      Warmly,
      Dr. Susan

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