Do you want to date a man with children?
Numbers show that over 60% of men over the age of 15 and over 75% of men over 40 have kids, so you may find yourself asking this question at some point.
Many men who have children love them and take their responsibilities very seriously. It can be refreshing to meet a man who’s so dedicated, responsible, and grown-up, especially if so far you had the misfortune to only meet men who just wanted fun and games.
If you have children of your own or want them, you might imagine yourself with a happily ever after blended family like the idyllic Brady Bunch of the 1970s. If you don’t want kids, you may be relieved to find a man who already has them and doesn’t want more.
All that might be true, but you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. You want to make sure he is the right man for you, especially since blending a family is complicated.
Here are the top 5 realities of dating a man with children:
Top Reality of Dating a Man with Children #1: His Ex
The mother of his children will always be in your life. His relationship with her may not be ideal and it may bring a lot of baggage to your relationship. You may not like her or her parenting style, but as long as you’re with him, you won’t be able to change that. Make sure you know what you are getting into.
Top Reality of Dating a Man with Children #2: You May Not Feel Like His Top Priority
He may have to cancel plans with you, or he can’t be there for you because the kids need him. You may feel angry and resentful that he’s putting his kids first. Early in your relationship, he is bound to put them first. If you want the relationship to work, you’re going to have to find ways to keep busy while he sees his kids. It’s always a good idea to have good friends, a career, hobbies, and fitness goals so that you have an independent life and don’t get too clingy or dependent.
But if you’ve been together a while and he wants to keep his family separate from you, or if you see signs that he is overly attached to his kids, you may want a different kind of relationship than he does. Some men have intimacy issues that make it hard to get close, but he may assume he’s just being a good father.
Top Reality of Dating a Man with Children #3: Protect Your Heart
Take your time getting to know him and do not rush into meeting the kids. They have been through a lot, no matter how old they are, and don’t need to be confused about whether to try and build a relationship with you unless you have a very solid bond with him. The same goes for you too. Why try to get close to them unless you are certain you want a future with him?
Top Reality of Dating a Man with Children #4: Go for Being Friends with the Kids.
You can’t be their mother. They already have one and don’t want another. The best you can hope for is they will eventually feel comfortable with you, and that may take time. They may feel disloyal to their mother if they get close to the new girlfriend, so try to be patient and don’t rush it or put any pressure on them or yourself.
Top Reality of Dating a Man with Children #5: Make Sure You Are on the Same Page
Dating a man with kids is complex. If he is serious about you, does he want to marry again and have more children? Can he afford it? Do you have the same vision of your future? Is he willing to set limits with the kids so they treat you with respect? Do you have similar parenting styles? Don’t make your life a lot more complicated unless you are a good match.
Have you dated a man with kids? Was it a wonderful experience or do you have a story of warning to share?