How to be disciplined enough to reach your love life goals


When you’re implementing your goals for the new year, having the right amount of self-discipline may be one of your biggest challenges. Believe it or not, the research shows that those with self-discipline feel happier on average, instead of feeling deprived. It seems counterintuitive. How is that possible?

Researchers theorize that those with self-discipline spend less time worrying about whether or not they should give into temptation. Disciplined people probably spend less time feeling mad or disappointed in themselves when they finally do indulge.

When you feel like you can make healthy choices for your life and follow through with them, it can give you a huge sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Of course, if you’re feeling anxious or depressed, it can be much harder for you to make healthy choices and achieve that level of satisfaction. Whatever mood you’re in, you’re better off making healthy choices, instead of acting on impulse or in a destructive way. Self-sabotage will only make your problems worse.

If this is something you struggle with, the good news is you can train yourself to become more self-disciplined.

1. Change your mindset.

Researchers at Stanford found that the amount of willpower you have is limited based on what you think you have. In other words, if you think you have more than you previously thought, you might find that you’re a lot more disciplined than you’ve ever imagined. So, maybe you do have the willpower to say, “I’m not comfortable with that,” when a man asks you to drive halfway to meet him.

2. Admit your weaknesses.

Be honest with yourself. If you keep falling for bad boys who just want to argue with you, you have a pattern. Don’t pretend that your shortcomings don’t exist, or try to cover them up instead of dealing with them to prevent yourself from making the same mistakes. How can you work to overcome it, if you won’t face these painful truths? It’s crucial to your progress and growth in love and relationships to work through these issues.

3. Avoid temptations.

Remember the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” If all of your exes have had drinking problems, avoid going to bars to meet men. You’re more likely to be successful if you remove old temptations and bad influences.

4. Create new habits.

If it can feel daunting to try and change old patterns and habits, especially when it’s a substantial change, and it’s easier to break down the larger goals into smaller, more manageable baby steps. For example, if you have trouble saying, “no” to men, start with expressing a different opinion to someone who feels safe. Make each step feel like something that you can easily accomplish. You may need to keep practicing this step before you can feel like you’ve mastered it, and are ready to move on to the next big challenge.

5. Have a backup plan.

You can boost your self-discipline when you have a plan for situations where you are likely to have a problem. For example, if you ask too many personal questions of men on the first date, you might try to let the conversation to go silent for a bit so he can contribute more. If that’s hard for you to do, you might try limiting the amount of alcohol you drink on the date.

6. Reward yourself.

Having something to look forward to can help protect and boost your motivation to succeed. If you saw a pretty scarf you wanted to buy, would purchasing it be a good reward for you once you tackle a few small goals in your love life plans?

7. Forgive yourself.

It’s no secret that making changes in your life can be incredibly challenging, but not impossible. We all suffer setbacks when you undertake something difficult. But we can learn valuable lessons from our failures. It’s critical for you to avoid letting your feelings keep you from moving forward. You may struggle with knowing how to flirt, or how to say “no,” or may experience the pain of rejection. When you find something to learn, it can be a stepping stone to your ultimate success.

Now that you know how to stay disciplined enough to reach you love life goals, you’ll benefit from some help and encouragement along the way. My course, How to Be Your Own Brand of Sexy in 5 Simple Steps, will go live next month. The course is designed to help you find the real, genuine, authentic you in dating who knows what she wants and how to get it.

It can be challenging to get what you want unless you’re very clear about that is and how to make it happen. The course will teach you how to develop your dating radar, and how to figure out beyond a shadow of a doubt if a man is into you or not, and if he is the right one for you.

Do you struggle with getting respect and considerate treatment from men? The course will show you how to stand up for yourself and communicate effectively. You’ll know when it’s time to let go, cut your losses, and move on to finding the real Mr. Right.

How to Be Your Own Brand of Sexy in 5 Simple Steps will help you identify what patterns of behavior are getting in your way and preventing you from getting what you want out of love, and how to overcome them.

Sign up for the course waiting list here. Once you complete the course, you’ll be well on your way to figuring out how you can know who Mr. Right is, and build the strong, successful relationship you want. All waiting list sign-ups will be the first to know the second the course goes live!

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  • Anne says:

    I’ve fallen for a man who keeps telling me to give him time and everytime I do I always get hurt. I want to let go but I’m afraid to. I need the courage to cut my losses and move on.

  • Anne says:

    I’ve fallen for a man who keeps telling me to give him time and everytime I do I always get hurt. I want to let go but I’m afraid to. I need the courage to cut my losses and move on.

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Anne,

      Nice to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear about your situation.

      Please help me understand what scares you about letting go.

      Are you afraid of being alone? Or not meeting anyone else?

      Here is a blog post about feeling alone, if that is your issue:

      You can meet a better man. This one just can’t be that into you if he won’t give you better treatment.

      You can do this. The longer you continue to hang around Mr. Wrong, the less emotionally available you’ll be for Mr. Right.

      Please keep us posted on your progress.

      Dr. Susan

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