Will He Commit? How to Find Men Who Can Commit


Why waste a lot of time wondering how to get a man to commit?

Women believe that men aren’t looking for committed relationships these days, but that simply isn’t true. Yes, it is true that many men don’t want commitment or are players, but there are plenty of good men out there looking for committed, long-term relationships. You just have to know how to figure out if he’s a commitment man and how to get him to commit to you. You can’t possibly get a man to commit to you if he doesn’t want commitment or isn’t capable of making a commitment. So, how can you avoid time wasters and dead-ends? Your best bet for protecting your time and your heart is to know how to screen your dates for their ability to commit.

That doesn’t mean that you have to grill the poor guy with personal questions on your first few dates. To him, that will feel more like an interrogation than a pleasant encounter with an interesting woman. Interrogators don’t get second dates. Why sabotage your chances of getting to know him? What’s your hurry in getting these answers? As long as you’re protecting your heart, you can take your time.

The key to screening for commitment is to listen and pay attention to what he’s telling you. If you pay attention and listen carefully, people tell you who they are without you having to ask, or worse – grill.

Be honest with yourself and pay attention to any red or pink flags that you hear about in your conversation. You may be tempted to overlook some things if you find him very interesting or attractive, or if you’re lonely or tired of being single. But watching for the telltale signs that he can’t commit is one of the most important things you can do to avoid getting into a relationship with any commitment phobic men who will break your heart.

Look out for these warning signs that he doesn’t want commitment or can’t commit:

  1. He tells you he isn’t looking for anything serious.

Listen to this warning. This is one of the most important signs he will never commit. Men typically don’t lie about this. Many women will overlook this warning sign because they think that once a guy gets to know them, he’ll change his mind. That’s a huge risk you’re taking if you ignore this red flag. Don’t be tempted to think that he’ll change his mind once he gets to know you. He’s being honest upfront about what he wants or doesn’t want in a relationship.

He will tell you what he is looking for. If you want marriage and he says he does not want marriage, believe him

  1. He’s never committed. To anything.

He’s never had a serious girlfriend, never been married, or didn’t even want to buy or lease a car, and not because of financial constraints. A guy who can’t commit to anything concrete even if it’s not related to a serious relationship is waving a commitment red flag high and proud. This type of guy can’t even commit to taking a vacation a few months in advance. Beware. If he doesn’t want anything that ties him down, he’s going to bring that lack of commitment to your relationship too.

  1. He tells you he has trouble trusting other people.

Sure, many people have trust issues, but if he’s warning you, he might be telling you that he can’t commit because of them. Relationships are built on the ability to trust. You might see it as a good sign that he is self-aware enough to admit that he struggles in this area, but trust issues are very complicated. Chances are, he won’t be able to commit to you because he will have trouble trusting you enough to make a serious commitment. Let this one go and look for someone ready to trust and commit.

  1. His closest friends are all single.

Water rises to its own level, and you’re known by the company you keep. When you hang out with negative people, you’re either a negative person yourself, or you’re about to become one. The reverse is true when it comes to hanging out with positive people. Unless you’re in your early twenties, a guy who only hangs out with other single men is probably going to stay single, too. When all his friends are single, they may share the belief that being single is better, or that marriages don’t work. Men who have a lot of married, family-oriented friends are probably going to value committed relationships more, and want a committed relationship for themselves. Consider this one a pink flag, and proceed with caution.

  1. His life is a mess.

If he can’t get his act together, it is not likely that he’ll be able to make a major commitment to you and take both your lives to the next level. Besides, why would you want a commitment with someone immature who doesn’t have his act together? If he has major problems in his life that never get resolved, he may be the problem. When you commit to someone, you end up taking on the positive and the negative things that are going on in their life. Make your life a little easier and your future more enjoyable by hitching your wagon to someone who has their life in order and is capable of being a supportive partner.

Bottom line:

Don’t waste a lot of time wondering how to get a man to commit. You can easily discover the men who can commit when you pass up the ones who can’t. Be honest with yourself while you listen and pay attention to any signs he will never commit. Be careful. You may be tempted to overlook these signs if he meets your criteria in other areas or if you’re lonely,

Click here to take my quiz and get a custom video based on your dating style, so that you can discover your next steps to making the best dating decisions.

Have you ever overlooked some of these danger signs in a relationship? If you found yourself in a situation with a commitment phobic man, how did it work out for you?

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  • Joy says:

    The man I’m seeing is going through a divorce. They were together since they were 13. 45 yrs. He didn’t want divorce, his wife chose divorce. We started out as friends, still r great friends, we have occasional sex, but spend every day together, or almost. I’m also going through separation at this time , 10 yrs. Married we have alot in common, great conversations, . I spend alot of my time doing garden he made for me, also take care of his flowerbeds He tells me he is still in love with wife, and will never marry again, and I say the same to him but
    is this relationship going to advance, he knows they will never reckonle. We talk about the future together,. Will he ever committ or is he just using me for his own pleasures, telling me only what I want to hear

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Joy,

      What are you hoping to get out of this relationship?

      Listen to a man who is telling you that he is still in love with his wife and will never marry again.

      I’m not sure what you mean by he’s telling you what you want to hear.

      Do you want to hear that he’s still in love with her?

      If you’re separated and still in love with your husband, maybe you’re not ready for a man who wants a commitment?

      This man might be “safe” for you right now because he isn’t emotionally available.

      We look forward to hearing from you.

      Dr. Susan

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