Do you believe in love at first sight? One survey discovered that over 50% of people say they have had the experience of falling in love at first sight and 90% of the time it led to a relationship. 55% of those married, 20% were in a long term relationship, 16% in a short term relationship and 8% led to none. Men were more likely to experience this phenomenon than women.
You may be in the 50% who’ve never had this kind of experience. Or maybe you fell in love at first sight, but it didn’t lead to anything serious or long-lasting, and you’re still single. If you’ve never had this experience, you might be feeling a little envious that someone could just be so “sure” they’d found the one. It must be nice to not have to guess and waiver back-and-forth, unsure if your dating partner is right for you. Decisiveness can be convenient.
You may hope that your intuition will signal to you that you’ve met the right person, and show you definitive signs that your life is changing. But it might not. It might take you a while to recognize Mr. Right, even if he’s right in front of you. Take heart, though. This shouldn’t be a problem for you. As long as you’re open to dating a nice man and don’t weed him out too quickly for superficial reasons, it’s not an issue if “love at first sight” doesn’t happen to you. After all, it can take some time to get to know someone new and fall in love with them.
Why are the signs of a changing love life not so obvious to some people?
One reason why is that in general, men are different than women in how they perceive attractiveness. Men are more visual, so looks are a significant factor for them. Women generally aren’t as influenced by looks alone. We are interested in other factors besides just appearance. After all, a man might look very attractive, but not make a very good partner. What they say is true: looks can be deceiving.
This study found that women were significantly less likely to find a man attractive if she knew he was a morally “bad” person. In this study, that meant he belonged to a terrorist group. In another study, he was a drug dealer. How would you like to get involved with a man, only to find out he had some major moral failings? Then you’d have to decide whether to break things off, and we all know breaking up is hard to do once you get attached. Maybe it’s simply easier on you in the long run to wait to decide if he’s Mr. Right until you know what kind of man he is and whether his character is solid enough to risk your heart by getting involved.
What does this process look like?
It involves you being open to a new man, even if he’s not the most attractive man you ever met. Looks are apparent, and they are right in your face. But deeper issues of compatibility and if a dating partner is a good person for you can take months to find out. Even if you find him incredibly attractive, it’s best to hold back – especially if you’re looking for a long-term, serious partner.
What you’ll need to do is be on the lookout for clues about his character and values. For long-term relationship success, you want to get to know him as a person. Avoid focusing on more superficial qualities such as his work-out and eating habits, and if he makes a lot of money. Look for these clues instead:
- Is he a nice person?
- How does he treat people who can’t do anything for him?
- Is he polite to service workers?
- Does he seem to enjoy your company?
- Do you enjoy his company?
- Does he make you laugh?
- Do you encourage each other to do better?
Dating, and finding Mr. Right takes time. You may have already met him, but it can take a while for you to realize that your love life is changing for the better. Don’t worry if you don’t get “love at first sight,” and if you’re unsure of whether or not your love life is changing. You must take your time discovering a man’s true colors before you commit.
Are you willing to take your time to get to know a man? Did you ever rush a relationship and end up regretting it? Please leave a comment and share your experiences with us.