What You Need to Know About How Online Dating Sites Can Hurt You


Tom608 wants to meet you! Email him now!
Chad223 wants to chat with you! Email him now!
John204 made you his favorite! Email him now!
Bill32 winked at you! Flirt back right away with a wink or email!
Peter41 wants to get to know you! Email him now!
Tim37 liked your photo! Respond now!
Wink received! Jim29 is interested in you! Email him now.

When you get these emails from dating sites, you might think, “How wonderful! All these men are chasing me!”

But are they really?

Dating sites want you to be excited about men who will take even the tiniest of steps to show an interest in you. Often these sites show men a series of women’s profiles or pictures, so all they have to do is click “yes” or “no.” If a man clicks “yes,” you get one of the above emails, which makes it sound like he is seriously interested in you. Then these sites want you to take the next step to connect with him. But is that in your best interest? No!

Dating sites are in business to make money. They aren’t there to teach you how to meet a good man or how to weed out guys who only have minimal interest in you. In fact, they encourage you to write to men who are only slightly interested! They want the men and women on their site to get lots of attention so they keep paying their monthly fees.

In fact, OKCupid claims that when women make the first move, they end up with better prospects. But if you look closely at the study, all it really tells you is that the best looking guys get to date more women and the women get more dates with hot guys, but not that these women get the relationship they want with a nice man. They refer to these men as “quality” men, but the only criteria they are using for that is physical attractiveness. They didn’t bother to study if the men could support themselves or were nice people. Their only marker of quality seems to be how they look. And they also didn’t think it was important to find out whether or not there was a second date—a data point of major importance to many women.

My point is this: don’t follow dating sites’ advice for you. Learn to follow your instincts and intuition! “Quality” isn’t just about appearance. There are plenty of hot men who are players and narcissists. If you want more than a hookup (and even if you just want a hookup), finding a nice man is important. “Quality” is about compatibility, being able to carry on a conversation, and treating someone well.

Unless you get the following email, “Jerry226 has sent you a message,” and Jerry bothers to write you a full sentence that sounds like he might be a nice person, you may not want to respond.

If you do get an email from a nice guy online but you aren’t sure how to respond, or if you hit it off with a man but you aren’t sure how to answer his questions on the phone or during your date, my new ebook, What to Say to Men on a Date: Be Your Own Brand of Sexy, can help. This ebook shows you EXACTLY what to say when asked common dating questions that sound simple, but are really loaded. It includes questions that men commonly ask on dates, as well as advice on how to deal with guys who are upset, unreasonable, or who aren’t treating you well. All the replies are designed to get you what you want.

In case you missed them, check out “How to Avoid Online Dating Danger,” “Want to Know How to Make Online Dating Easy?,” and “5 Secrets You Should Know about Online Dating.”

Start getting what you want from men. Be your own Brand of Sexy.

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