Many women today don’t get the commitment that they want from men. When I give talks on this subject, a man in the audience often asks, “But isn’t the problem just communication? Wouldn’t a woman’s problems be solved if she just spoke up about she wants?” This is partly true, but it’s not the whole story. Yes, we have to learn how to effectively communicate our needs to get what we want out of dating. In fact, communicating is built right into the Be Your Own Brand of Sexy guidelines.
But communicating your needs often isn’t the only solution to all of your problems, especially when it comes to men.
Why isn’t communication enough?
1. Some men aren’t trustworthy. Even if you have the most effective communication skills in the world, it won’t protect you from the guy who lies. If you tell a guy that you want commitment, he may just tell you what you want to hear and then bail after he has sex with you. Of course, there are a lot of good guys out there who don’t lie, but do you know him well enough yet to know if he’s trustworthy or not?
2. Some men don’t know what they want. Even if he’s is a nice guy, he may be confused about what he wants. He may simply not be mature enough to give you an honest answer. So, he may say he wants commitment, but quickly change his mind. This can be a painful experience, especially if you decided to have sex with him under the impression that you were in a committed relationship.
3. Many men like the chase. That means that while he’s chasing you, he may give you all the right answers–and mean them. But once the chase is over, he may not be so sure about being with you.
And women aren’t the only ones who face these issues–men also have to deal with women who are confused or not completely honest with them.
So if communication isn’t enough to protect you from frustration and heartache, what can you do?
1. Protect your heart. Take the time to get to know a man before having sex with him. Find out if he is trustworthy before putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Stay away from situations that could easily lead to sex. Don’t go over to his place for a romantic dinner, and don’t fall for the “we can just cuddle” line!
2. Pay attention to his actions, not just his words. Does he respect your boundaries, or is he always trying to sweet talk you into going one step further? Does he call you in advance to plan for a nice Friday night date out on the town, or does he call you late at night to watch a movie at his place (aka hook up)? Does he try to understand and meet your needs? Does he treat you well?
3. Develop your instincts and intuition. This can help you figure out which guys are worth trusting, which ones may not be mature enough to give you an honest answer, and which ones will say anything just to get you into bed.
If he treats you well, he respects your boundaries, and you are both still sure that you want to be with each other after you’ve taken the time to get to know each other, you have a much better chance of getting the commitment you want.
Have you ever been in a situation where communication wasn’t enough? What happened? Have you ever been fooled by a man who said he wanted commitment but really didn’t? I’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below and on Facebook and Twitter.
You can do this. Join the revolution. Be your own Brand of Sexy and get what you want.