Secrets of Self-Discipline in Love: 3 Powerful Ways to Build It


Whether you want to lose weight, stop procrastinating, or change your behaviors with men, you will need some self-discipline.

Is that a problem for you?

Don’t worry. You can develop the skill of self-discipline the way you can other skills. In this article, I will teach you how to build self-discipline in life and dating.

What Are the Secrets to Building Self Discipline?

First of all, you need to understand that self-discipline is built over time. It won’t miraculously appear one day when you least expect it. Only when you begin to think about it and work on it regularly, will you start to see improvement.

But, why is it so hard to be disciplined?

It’s natural for us to want to feel good right now and avoid feeling bad. It’s just how human nature works. Why resist that piece of chocolate cake? It will feel good to eat it and bad to feel deprived.

You want a man to pursue you, but it feels bad to wait and wonder if he will text or call you. If you text him, at least you don’t have to wait for a response. You’ll get a good feeling of having contact with him again. The only problem is, when you don’t give him time to decide whether he really wants to pursue you, he may be on the fence about you. The more contact you make, the more it feels to him like you are pursuing him and you must be very interested in him, maybe even desperate. He may find you less appealing because you can’t be patient and give him space.

When you want to avoid bad feelings, it’s harder to develop self-discipline. So how do you do it?

Self-Discipline in Love Secret #1: Start with Something Easy

As with any other skill, don’t expect to master it in one day. Start with baby steps and get accustomed to how it feels to be self-disciplined.

You may dread the feeling of not having that piece of cake, but if you do something fun or relaxing, it might make it easier.

Maybe it’s too hard to wait a week to text him, but you can wait several hours or a couple of days. It might not be as bad as you anticipate.

The idea is to start to make small steps toward your goal.

You are creating a new habit and after a while, it will not require as much self-discipline because it will become second nature to you.

When you start with something easy, you don’t focus on perfection. You just do the best you can do, which is better than you used to do.

You just want to make progress slowly and aren’t looking for perfection.

Self-Discipline in Love Secret #2: Reward Yourself with a Good Feeling

When you start to feel good about the progress you are making, it becomes easier to stay on this path. Why? Instead of only having bad feelings when you have self-discipline, you are having some good feelings too.

When you feel good, you begin to enjoy the whole process and it makes you more naturally motivated to become better at self-discipline.

You may need to deliberately tell yourself that you are making progress and to be aware that you are moving forward. If you do this, good feelings will result because you can start to feel good about the steps you are making.

Once you feel good about your progress, you will be motivated to keep it up.

Self-Discipline in Love Secret #3: Build Regular Practices

Consistency can be hard when you are developing new habits. Things come up in life that can throw you off your habits. One of the most important tricks to building self-discipline is just getting back on track.

You don’t have to find fault with yourself when you get off track. Don’t tell yourself you lack motivation or willpower.

Understand that it’s hard to change old habits and give yourself time to create new ones and then to make them so consistent that they become your new way of life.

Don’t worry if you get sidetracked. Expect that there will be times when it will be hard to stay disciplined. Think about how you want to handle them when they arise. How can you make it easier to get back on the horse when you fall off?

When you reward yourself with good feelings for getting back on track, the process will get easier.

Bottom Line: 

Self-discipline won’t strike you suddenly like a lightning bolt. You have to make it happen. You can do it!

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