It’s human nature to want to be challenged, but it doesn’t always work out when that challenge comes from your love life. A little bit of mystery and uncertainty can spark the fires of love and attraction, and too much can translate to unrequited love. But how can you stay on the right side of love?
Simple: Choose Men Who Choose You
Take Hannah’s story here. Does it sound familiar?
Hannah and John met online. They first talked through video chats, but Hanna felt very comfortable with John and decided she was ready to meet him in person. Even if John wasn’t.
You could say Hannah was really into John. He seemed like the kind of man she was looking for: handsome, funny, and successful. He lived nearby, and when they talked, sparks of chemistry flew. Hannah decided he was the right guy for her and invited him to do things together. John always seemed happy to talk to Hannah, but still, she wasn’t 100% sure where she stood with him.
Looking back, there may have been some signs that John’s heart wasn’t in the right place. Hannah was almost always the one initiating the conversation, or proposing activities they should do together. John never actually shot her down, but he also never took initiative. Still, Hannah convinced herself these weren’t bad signs at all. She just hoped that maybe he needed a little more time to get to know her because some people can’t open up right away. Then, as time went by, everything would be fine.
One day, she called him to suggest a meet-up. But he told her sorry, he’d met someone.
Hannah was obviously confused. Where did things go wrong? She felt like they really hit it off, but could she have made a mistake? Mind you, Hannah had daydreams of her future with John, which made her fall for him even harder. It was difficult for her to let go of her image of the relationship she’d built in her head, of them living happily ever after. To her, they were meant to be, always, and forever. Clearly, they weren’t on the same page, so what happened?
Let’s Unpack This
Hannah made a premature decision that John was the right man for her. Because she convinced herself of the fact, she ignored any lingering doubts about their relationship and put all her emotional eggs in one basket.
Hannah should have listened to her doubts because they were giving her crucial information about John. He was still on the fence about their relationship and hadn’t really chosen her yet. She kept calling him and asking him out, instead of being patient to see if he wanted to move things forward in their relationship. John made no signs in any direction, but Hannah kept on pushing. If she hadn’t, maybe she would have noticed that his interest wasn’t that strong, at most it was lukewarm.
When a man is interested in you, there will be a lot of noticeable clues, mostly because he’ll actually take the lead at least some of the time. If you have to initiate everything, his heart may not be fully into it.
Of course, what Hannah did is very common with women who date. Sometimes, you can let the dreams about the relationship cloud the reality of it. You can become so focused on that romantic date he’s going to take you on, that you don’t notice the fact that he never really shows any excitement when you propose something fun to do together. It’s a common mistake that can lead to a lot of heartache.
What Can You Do?
It’s essential to choose men who choose you in order to prevent this kind of problem. When you’re sure he’s really interested in you, like when he initiates the conversation and doesn’t leave you to carry the load, he’s less likely to be on the fence about you.
If the guy wants to see you every Saturday night, he will let you know. And to you, that says he’s choosing you over the other women he’s courting or maybe even casually dating. When he gives you signs that you have a future together, or that he wants you to become exclusive, you’ll at least know he wants a kind of relationship with you. Sure, there are a lot more factors to consider before you move the relationship further along, but when a man chooses you, this is what that looks like.
If you don’t see these signs in him, then you actually have no idea where you two stand, and it may be too soon to decide if you want to become involved with him or not. But you need to have the presence and notice these signs, not ignore them for a fantasy you hope comes to life. You deserve more than a man who can’t make up his mind about you. Remember that, and try to look for the signs that he’s actually interested in moving forward with you.
Do you need some help in figuring out if the guy you’re dating is actually choosing you? Or need to practice video chat dating to be completely ready for it? Grab my new FREE guide, How to Make a Good First Impression Video Chat Dating.
Let me know your story in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!