Some of the most powerful women in the world worry about being single, regardless of how capable and successful they are. Add some nosy comments like, “do you have a boyfriend?” or “why aren’t you married?” and these wildly intelligent and competent women can feel panicked.
This underlying current of pressure makes it more difficult to bounce back when a budding relationship ends, or when a potential partner disappears without a word. Add a little worry about growing older and how that may hurt your chances, and your anxiety can grow.
With concerns mounting over finding a partner, rejection becomes doubly confusing and painful—not that it was a walk in the park to begin with. At a certain point, things can start to feel deeply personal with thoughts like, “why doesn’t he like me?” and “I’m worried I’ll be single forever.”
If you’re wrestling with some of these sensations, here’s a bit of insight to level the playing field: problems with unrequited love are nothing new. For as long as humans have been interacting, men and women have struggled to cope with feelings of rejection, self-doubt, sadness, and confusion when they were forced to say goodbye to a partner that they hoped could be “the one.” This compounds with each failed relationship as the stress of being single continues to mount.
As counterintuitive as it seems, the more you worry about finding love, the less likely it is to happen. Rather than tensing up with anxiety, here are 5 reasons to decompress from the stress of being single:
- Most people find a life partner.
Years ago, more than 90% of people got married; marriage rates have dropped in recent years, but it doesn’t mean that fewer people are finding love. More couples are delaying marriage until later in life, and some are foregoing the institution entirely in favor of simply living together as partners. Older adults who have divorced or become widowed often remarry. 67% of previously married people aged 55-64 remarried and 50% of those over 65 did. The fact remains that the data is in your favor—if we’re looking at it strictly from the perspective of numbers, chances are you will find someone to spend the rest of your life with.
- Being single gives you time to focus on what’s important.
In the throes of romantic desperation, you might be apt to lock eyes on a tall drink of water with 6-pack abs and a bone structure like a marble statue rather than a genuinely nice guy whose values and goals align with your own. Objectively, it’s easy to see that choosing someone you’re deeply compatible with in areas like communication style and dreams for the future is a far better course of action than selecting a partner based on the circumference of his biceps. When you’re single, you have the time to truly get some perspective on what you’re looking for in a long-term partner rather than a fling.
- Marriage won’t solve all your problems.
Call it a Hollywood trick or a societal construct, but many of us are primed to believe that our lives will magically become perfect once we’ve got a shiny band on our left hands. The problem is, research indicates that’s not necessarily true; in fact, being in a bad marriage is actually worse for you than simply being alone. It’s certainly true that close, loving romantic relationships can improve your physical and mental health, but that’s a result of a fruitful partnership rather than a rushed marriage. Many married people report feeling lonely, so if that’s a sensation you’re hoping to eliminate through matrimony, staying single until the right one comes along, and investing more energy into close friendships could be a viable alternative.
- Being single has its advantages.
Statistics show that the number of singles in the U.S. is rising—by choice. More and more Americans are staying solo by choice and appreciating the benefits of being single. They like being able to keep control over little details like what to have for dinner or what to watch on TV, as well as major life decisions, such as where to live. Life as a single woman can be full of joy. Use this time to strengthen existing relationships with friends and family. A solid support network is essential for any stage of life. Being single doesn’t mean living an unfulfilled life, so enjoy the freedom you have in your independent state.
- You have time to work on yourself.
Being single gives you the time to expand your horizons and make yourself a more desirable partner. You can try new hobbies, embrace flirting, or unlearn bad habits. Embracing singleness can lead to personal growth and self-confidence, making you more appealing when the right person comes along. Think of being single as a world of limitless potential—use it as an opportunity to grow.
Maybe you’ve had more than enough time to work on yourself and are tired of being single. After a while, it can get old. If you really want to have a partner in your life, the question then becomes, why haven’t you met someone wonderful?
Are there some obstacles that might be making it harder for you to connect with the men who would make the best partners for you? Are you having trouble moving on from a past relationship? Do you choose men who aren’t emotionally available? Instead of worrying about being single, focus on trying to understand the factors that might stand in your way. It may be time for you to consider consulting a coach or therapist or both to help you overcome any roadblocks.
Bottom Line
Let go of the worry associated with being single and appreciate the unique opportunities it offers. Remember that love has no expiration date, and life’s journey is filled with unexpected twists and turns.
Leave us a comment and tell us how you’re feeling about being single. Are you ready to relax? Are you going to take on a new challenge?
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