Elena’s built her life around achievement. Her calendar is a testament to efficiency – client meetings flow into conference calls, board presentations into strategy sessions. Work dominates her world.
Last night’s date started promisingly enough. Mark seemed intelligent, attractive, engaged. But when he asked, “What do you do for fun?” Elena launched into talking about the last deal she closed, the complex problems she solved, the team she’s building. She watched his eyes glaze over slightly and shifted to asking about him – her usual strategy for keeping any conversation on track.
Now, at home, that question won’t leave her mind. What DO I do for fun outside of work? She can handle any business challenge with confidence, but this simple question has her stumped. The realization hits hard: she’s forgotten how to just enjoy life, how to do anything without a purpose or goal. Dating feels like another task to master. Has her focus on work hurt her love life?
She thinks about her weekends – catching up on email, preparing for Monday’s meetings, maybe a quick workout scheduled with military precision. Even her “downtime” is optimized for productivity. She’s spent decades viewing every hour as an opportunity for achievement. It would be easy to write Mark off as the wrong match, but something tells her that’s not it. Her problem might require a different way of being, one where she loosens her grip on achievement long enough to let someone in.
It’s Not Just About Work
Elena’s story might center on being consumed by work, but the truth is that women lose themselves in many ways.
Maybe you’re not focused on career achievement like Elena. Perhaps you’re the mom who’s mastered juggling everyone else’s schedules but can’t remember the last time you did something just because you wanted to. Or you’re the daughter spending every weekend helping your aging parents, your own life on perpetual hold. Or maybe you’re the friend everyone counts on, the one who’s always there for others but never asks for anything in return. At its core, this is about overcoming guilt around self-focus – recognizing that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
When Joy Takes a Back Seat
Elena couldn’t easily share what truly energized her because those parts of herself had become distant and hard to access. When put on the spot, she struggled to think of a single hobby or interest outside of work. Have you poured so much of yourself into work, chores, and caring for others that the vibrant, fun-loving parts of your personality have started to fade?
Making yourself a top priority isn’t just a nice idea – it’s essential for maintaining your sense of self. When you don’t regularly make time for the parts of yourself that bring you joy and fulfillment, those vibrant elements of your personality can start to feel buried. The passions, quirks, and sources of happiness that make you who you are get overshadowed by your other responsibilities. This especially impacts your ability to share your life with a romantic partner – the very qualities that would most enrich a relationship become harder to access and express.
The Impact on Relationships
Without consistently nurturing the joyful, playful sides of yourself, they become less accessible in the moment. So, when you’re with a romantic prospect, instead of being able to proudly share the unique parts of who you are, you end up presenting a flatter, more one-dimensional version of yourself.
And it’s not just about your ability to connect and engage. This lack of self-focus can also make it harder for you to advocate for your own needs and preferences within a relationship. If you’ve gotten used to prioritizing everyone else’s desires over your own, it becomes easier to just go along with what your date or partner wants. Speaking up and negotiating compromises can feel draining rather than natural. This is where strategies for self-empowerment become crucial – learning to recognize and express what matters to you
Finding Your Way Back
Self-care as the ultimate gift isn’t just about bubble baths and meditation – it’s about reclaiming those vital parts of yourself. Sharing interests and passions can deepen your connections and bring more joy to dating. But when your life has been focused on responsibilities for so long, those lighter parts of yourself can become harder to access and share naturally with someone new.
Rediscovering and making space for the joyful, assertive parts of your identity isn’t about being selfish. It’s about having the resources, both emotional and practical, to show up as your real, complete self – not just the parts that please others. And that’s what allows you to build the kind of deep, fulfilling relationships where both partners can truly know and support each other.
Prioritizing personal well-being means giving yourself permission to rediscover what brings you joy. This transformative personal growth journey starts with small steps – maybe just asking yourself what you’d do if you had an hour entirely to yourself.
What’s Really Behind Your Need to Put Others First?
What would change if you started treating yourself with the same care and attention you give to others?
What’s the real reason you keep putting your own needs last?
The answer isn’t about time management or self-care tips. It’s about understanding what’s really keeping you in this pattern – and transforming it from the inside out. For decades, I’ve helped women uncover and break free from these hidden barriers.
Ready to explore what’s really holding you back? Let’s talk. Contact me here.
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What parts of yourself have you put aside while focusing on others? Share your story of rediscovering joy and personal interests – your experience might help others who are on the same journey. How has prioritizing yourself affected your dating life?
