How to Find Clarity When You Feel Stuck in Your Love Life


The sky has been very strange in California recently because of the wildfires raging in the state. The smoke is so thick that it seems to block the sun entirely, creating an unusual hue that feels ominous and invites self-reflection.

I admit it may feel strange to talk about love and dating within the same context as scorching fires taking over the land, but I still believe there’s a powerful metaphor, and an important lesson one can draw from these fires if you are looking for love: without clarity, you cannot find what you want, just as the fire prevents us from seeing the light of day.

The importance of clarity in this sense has never been underestimated, and we know this thanks to the plethora of quotes backing up this statement, reminding us all how crucial it is.

Yogi Berra famously said, “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there.”

Toba Beta said, “The clarity of perception makes reality look as it is.”

“Clarity doesn’t always mean you know exactly what you’re doing. It does mean you know exactly who you’re being and why,” is a quote from an anonymous source that mirrors the same sentiment.

How to Apply This to Your Love Life

Consider these 3 tips:

  1. Envision Your Desired Outcomes

Having a clear vision of what kind of relationship you want is essential because it helps guide you to make the right choices. If you’re looking for your soul mate, casual dating will never satisfy you and can lead to a lot of pain.

But it’s important to stop and think about that outcome, define it, and let it guide you. If you do, it will give you the strength to make the right choices, as opposed to accepting the many detours your love life often brings that aren’t fulfilling.

  1. Face Reality

It’s very easy to make excuses for a guy or a situation that isn’t fulfilling. Even if it’s not what we envisioned, we often prefer the comfort of the present as opposed to the future which brings a lot of unknown variables.

But for your journey, it’s important to make this effort and face reality and accept all the pain and hard work that may be needed to make a change for the better. It’s a stage where you need to be honest with yourself, recognize you are only staying in a dead-end relationship because it’s comfortable now, and realize that in the long run, it will not bring you the happiness you want or deserve.

And listen, I’m not trying to make light of the situations. It will be hard, not just in terms of the decision to leave, but just sitting down and trying to analyze your situation without letting emotions interfere. Growth is often painful, but think of how rewarding it can be. Don’t be afraid to take big steps towards changing your life if what you’re experiencing right now is not making you happy.

  1. Discover Who You Are

It’s time to get to know yourself. Though it’s a lot easier (and much more comfortable) to let yourself be guided by others and just go with the flow, that flow may not be intrinsically who you are. Being the real you gives you the vision and power to correct your path and move forward towards your desired outcome.

When you let your ideas and values guide you, it’s easier to know what you need to do differently. It’s all about doing what is best for you, regardless if those around agree with it or not. Sometimes, people think they know what’s best for us, and while it is great to listen to outside perspectives, their voices should never deter us from the path we know is right for us. Remain true to yourself!

When we’re young, this is almost impossible, since we’re often guided by the desire to please others in hopes of finding happiness. But as you grow older and learn more and more about yourself, you’ll become more and more immune to that desire, and finally, start putting the need of pleasing yourself first.

And when it comes to dating, that’s essential to your happiness, whether your date likes it or not. Going along with his wishes is easy, and may even bring you closer together, but that relationship is doomed from the start. It’s built on one person’s desires and expectations, while the other member muted theirs just to move things along. How long do you think this will last?

Always remember this: a man who wants you will value what you want, and put in the effort to make sure your needs are met. If that’s not happing right now in your current relationship, you may need to take action.

Final Thoughts

Believe it or not, these three stages are incredibly important to the success of your relationship. Knowing what you want, who you are, and facing reality at face value prepares you to become your true self, your Brand of Sexy. And the right man will love you for being yourself!

Want to learn more about your Brand of Sexy, what it means, and why it’s so valuable? It’s just one click away.

What will you do to regain clarity? Tell me in the comments, I’d love to hear from you!

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