Three Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Have Sex


If you are single, chances are that you struggle with this question. If you have single friends, you likely hear a lot about it. And I hear about it frequently in my private practice.

What’s the question?

When is the right time to have sex with a man for the first time? 

We all know the three-date rule: If you go on a third date, it’s time to decide about sex. Should that be the guideline? It was not long ago that women were told to wait until marriage.

Here’s the secret: Blindly following rules won’t lead to happiness.  After 29 years of helping women get what they want from men, I can tell you that the answer lies in being your own Brand of Sexy. That means you discover what is best for you and act accordingly.

Sex is about much more than the physical act. For most women, sex opens up a whole new level of intimacy, connection, and vulnerability.

But this decision does not have to be overwhelming or scary. Answer these three questions and you will know when it’s right to sleep with him for the first time.

  1. Does he want what I want?
    Before you have sex with someone new, you want to know him well enough to know if you have the same goals for the relationship. Do you both want something serious? Or is one or both of you looking for a casual fling?Perhaps you feel awkward talking about this topic. If you don’t feel that you can talk about it, you may not be ready to have sex.  You want to get the answers you need so you are not sorry later.
  2. How will I feel if we have sex and he disappears?
    This question may sound negative, but it’s realistic and important. Ask yourself – can you handle your feelings if you are physically intimate and never hear from him again?Society may tell you that you should be able to just brush the feelings aside and move on. You are a modern woman, after all!  Some women may be able to do that. I’ve found that most cannot. Be honest with yourself and protect your heart.
  3. How much will I regret passing on sex if I never hear from him again because I passed?
    This is a common concern. Here’s the follow-up question:  If you think you need to have sex to keep a relationship, is it really a relationship you want?

By being honest with yourself about these answers, you will save yourself worry, stress, and regret. You will have sex when it’s right for you—and you will be setting yourself up to take a beautiful next step in your relationship.

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Do you wish you had? How would your decisions have changed? How do you plan to use them in the future? I’d love to hear from you. Please let me know in the comments below and on Twitter and Facebook.

You can do this. Join the revolution. Be your own Brand of Sexy and get what you want.

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