Want Love After 40? These 7 Toxic Beliefs Can Hurt Your Chances


If you had a stream of bad dates, you may think that “All the good ones are taken,” but it simply isn’t true. Women over 40 find love again all the time.

Unfortunately, many women over 40 feel like their chances of finding love shrink as they age. Our youth and beauty-obsessed culture demands that we live up to increasingly unrealistic standards. So, when we start to sag, wrinkle, have children, or gain weight, we worry that we won’t be attractive to men.

If that isn’t bad enough, the ways to meet men may have changed since you were last single. Meeting men through your friends or family can be hard and might not work. You might have to consider online dating which has its own special challenges.

Worse, everybody has a different opinion about how you should conduct your dating life. The landscape of dating has changed so much in the last 60 years that even dating experts don’t agree!

Luck isn’t the defining factor either. What you believe about finding love makes a huge difference, at any age.

If you want to improve your chances of finding love, you need to be aware of how your thinking could sabotage your success. Could any of the following beliefs be interfering with your ability to find the love you want?

Toxic Belief #1 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love: I Need to Lose Weight Before I Can Date

With all the cultural pressure to look thin, many women feel like they need to lose some weight before they can start dating again. But if you are looking for love, why would you let those pounds stop you from meeting men?

Is it possible that you are afraid of rejection? Or do you simply believe that men are only looking for women who look like models? Maybe that is only one of the ways you feel like you don’t measure up.

Many men want to discover the inner you and are not focused on your size. Some even prefer women with some meat on their bones. Maybe it’s time for you to address a fear of rejection or some beliefs about your value and what you have to offer a man. You are a lot more than a number on your scale.

Toxic Belief #2 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love:  Men Don’t Find Me Attractive

This is just another version of “I’m not good enough,” but it makes it sound like you are powerless to change it because men hold all the cards. These beliefs have more to do with how you feel about yourself than your looks or your other traits. Take a closer look inside and try to appreciate your good qualities. If men really don’t click with you, it may be more about the way you interact with them that you can change.

Toxic Belief #3 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love: Men Can Hurt Me

Of course, you have experienced disappointment, rejection, and pain in relationships. We all have. But maybe your deeper worry is that you fear you can’t handle the pain.

If you just came out of a difficult relationship, you may still be recovering and need some time. But anyone afraid of getting close can benefit from some help in addressing their fears. Psychotherapy can help you to better handle the ups and downs of dating and relationships.

Toxic Belief #4 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love: I Can’t Get the Relationship I Want

When you feel that you can’t get what you want, you are likely to settle for less. That often sets up a bit of a vicious cycle, because you aren’t going to get what you want when you settle. It’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, you might predict that you can’t find a good man and then settle for one who treats you badly. You then feel worse about yourself and even less likely to think you could find a good man.

Examine and question your beliefs. They may not be true.

Toxic Belief #5 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love: Relationships Should Be Easy

Anyone in a successful relationship will tell you that they require work. You must pay attention and nurture your partner when you might rather be doing something else. Don’t sabotage yourself by minimizing what is required.

Toxic Belief #6 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love: He’s Good Enough for Now

You might have a very small window of opportunity to meet a man who is ready and right for you. Don’t take yourself off the market and miss it. Timing is everything.

Toxic Belief #7 Can Hurt Your Chance for Love: Dating Is Too Hard

To be successful with dating, you must keep doing it until you succeed. That old advice is so true, “If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Maybe you need to figure out why it isn’t working. Your dating journey can be a valuable learning experience.

Your Next Success Steps:

What beliefs do you need to change? I have something that might help. Sign up now to get my FREE guide: Dating Over 40? Know Your 7 Secret Advantages.

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