Why Do I Keep Attracting the Wrong Men? Break the Cycle


After her messy divorce, Melanie has been single for several years. All her divorced friends are now coupled up again, and she can’t figure out why she hasn’t met that special someone too. Obviously, the wrong men are attracted to her and that’s why the relationships never work out. She really wants a solid relationship, but she doesn’t understand what’s wrong or what she can do to break the cycle.

What’s going on with Melanie?

Dating can be tough. It’s filled with bad dates, rejection, and heartbreak. After enough disappointment, you’re bound to get discouraged and you might even begin to feel that you are attracting the wrong men. “Is there something wrong with me? What’s wrong with these men? Who do other women find love and I’m all alone?”

When you’re in pain, it can be hard to be objective about your situation, and the dating process can be very painful at times. So, when you’re up for it, it’s good to look at the reasons why you might be struggling. The more you learn about yourself and the dating process, the better dating decisions you can make and the easier this bumpy journey will be.

Here are the 5 reasons why you keep attracting the wrong men and how to attract good men for you:

1-  You are attracted to the wrong men.

The wrong men will always be attracted to you, but it’s your responsibility to decide if you will see them again. You must be attracted to them in some way, or you wouldn’t go out with them again. Maybe you like the men who don’t make good partners, because they are still hung up on their ex or they are too self-centered to be able to make you happy. Maybe they are immature and not ready to settle down, or there is a distance issue. They may be toxic, unavailable, or out of your league. None of these men will ever make you happy. Face the truth and move on.

Many women unconsciously choose men who feel “safe” because they fear getting into a close relationship. Could this be true about you?

2-  It’s hard for you to be alone.

Is it hard for you to set standards about who you’ll let into your life? Are you desperate or needy? Do you ignore red flags? You might settle for less in a relationship and date the wrong men to avoid being alone. If you feel empty and lonely without a relationship, you might jump into the first one that comes along because you want to avoid the pain of feeling alone or lonely.

Once you get into a relationship, you might still feel alone. If you aren’t happy with your partner, you may be afraid of telling him what’s bothering you or leaving because you don’t want to lose him.

Being alone is painful, but do you want it to dictate how you lead your life? You can learn to live with being alone, which can help you to make better decisions with your relationships so you can discover how to attract good men for lasting love.

3-  You wear rose-colored glasses.

It’s hard for you to accept the reality of the situation, so you imagine it can be changed. Although he’s been unemployed for years, you think he’s going to soon become a huge success. Whatever the obstacle, you think it can be overcome. You can’t let go because you think the problem can be fixed.

Yes, love is blind, but you can face the truth so you can make better decisions and keep from dating the wrong men. Pay attention to your nagging doubts rather than trying to push them out of your mind.

4-  You don’t appreciate good men.

If a man doesn’t fit your expectation of perfection, you are ready to move on, even if there might be potential. You can’t appreciate his good qualities, because of some unimportant and unrealistic standards. For example, he’s not tall so you ignore how kind and generous he is.

Rather than judge a man by his looks or bank account, start to appreciate the qualities in him that can sustain a long lasting, happy relationship. Is he thoughtful and considerate? Does he want to make you happy? Can he make a commitment?

5-  You aren’t being the best version of you.

How you perceive yourself directly influences the partners you attract. If you’re not authentically embracing your true self, you might inadvertently draw in men who don’t align with your true nature.

Do you avoid certain topics or sugarcoat aspects of your life to create a more polished image? Go along with plans or activities you aren’t comfortable with to avoid conflict? Are you hesitant to share any vulnerabilities, fearing it would make you appear less confident?

One of the most common examples is when you choose pictures for your online profile that show you 10 years younger or 10 pounds slimmer. Maybe you think you’ll attract more men, but it’s not an effective strategy. The men are bound to wonder what else you’re hiding from them when they see your lack of honesty. In this way, you are setting yourself up to be rejected by the good, honest men.

How can you attract a good man who likes the real you when you are pretending to be something you’re not? Try to accept yourself, so you don’t have to hide.

Bottom line

Breaking the cycle of dating the wrong men is a journey of self-discovery and transformation. By embracing authenticity, challenging limiting beliefs, setting assertive boundaries, and learning from mistakes, you can shift the dynamics of your love life. Your ideal partner is out there, waiting to complement the authentic, empowered woman you are becoming. Break free from the cycle, and let love find its way to your authentic self.

Don’t forget that your unique perspective may be just what another woman needs to read. Please leave your comments below. Thank you!

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