Why Do They Disappear?
Have you ever met someone who seemed nice but then disappeared into thin air (and they weren’t a professional magician)? Maybe you had exchanged a few promising emails online or you had a couple of good dates, and then—poof! They disappeared without any explanation. What happened?
This phenomenon is especially common with online dating. Why? Don’t forget the main problem with communicating with people online: you don’t have face-to-face interactions. That means the person you’re emailing with might be married, a hacker, or not look anything like their photo. You don’t know them at all. At least if you talk with someone on the phone you can have the benefit of hearing their tone of voice. Unlike email, a phone call doesn’t give them the chance to carefully consider everything they write, so you might be able to sense it if something is wrong. If you meet in person, you have even more information to help your instincts and intuition figure out if anything feels off.
Take Bethany, for example, who met Jim online. He sounded exactly like the kind of guy she wanted. He sent her videos of sweet songs and was very enthusiastic about getting to know her better. When they finally spoke on the phone, he sounded wonderful. He said he had a work project that weekend but would call again soon. She was so disappointed to miss his next call. When she called him back, she got his voicemail and never heard from him again. Within a few weeks, she got an email from another guy who also sounded wonderful. Strangely, his profile was exactly the same as Jim’s! The only difference was his photograph. His emails were almost exactly the same, too. When she tried to buy something online and ended up with a fraudulent charge on her credit card, she discovered someone had been hacking into her computer. She finally realized it was probably “Jim,” since she had clicked a link to see photos of him that never loaded.
Of course, not everyone who disappears is a hacker. Sometimes they’re people who simply can’t come out and just tell you, “I don’t think we’re a match.” Women and men both struggle with giving someone this bad news and often prefer to avoid the conversation, so quietly disappearing feels easier than having a difficult conversation. Since most dates just don’t work out in the long run, and many people aren’t comfortable rejecting someone, don’t be surprised if this happens to you.
The bottom line is that if they disappear, they just aren’t that into you. Move on to the next one and don’t worry so much about why they’re gone. They weren’t right for you.
Also, you can find more information on this topic on one of my previous blog posts here.
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