When you’re on a first date, you might be a little nervous. Will he like me? Does this have a future? Is he going to break my heart? It’s natural to be uncertain about where things stand. But there are some questions you should not ask when you first meet a man if you want a second date.
You don’t want to grill the guy with personal questions on your first date. Many men complain that their dates feel more like an interrogation than a pleasant meeting with an interesting woman. It can be tempting to ask a lot of personal questions when you’re nervous. You may tell yourself that you don’t want to waste time with a man who is not going to be right for you. But there is no need to make him feel uncomfortable. Why sabotage your chances of getting to know him? Take your time on date 1 so you can have future dates to find out the answers. Know that there are things not to ask on a first date.
First dates are critical. As the saying goes, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Even if you have another meeting, it’s always going to be tainted by the first. You can’t easily “fast-track” a relationship. Typically, relationships evolve over time, so you want to gradually ease into personal questions. Otherwise, your date may feel like you are crossing a boundary. You don’t have the required level of intimacy to ask for personal information on a first date. It might feel to him like it’s simply none of your business. Asking awkward questions are at the top of the list of first date don’ts. As is said, “People may forget what you say, but they always remember how you make them feel.” When you put a man on the spot by asking something overly personal, you change his feelings from intrigued and curious about you to confused and uncomfortable.
On a first date, you are much better off asking him questions that will help you to make a good connection. There are so many other pleasant things to talk about on a first date. You are more likely to discover common interests when you ask basic questions about where he grew up and went to school, what he does for a living as well as his hobbies and interests. Why create any awkward moments if you can possibly avoid them?
Here are the 7 questions not to ask on a first date:
#1: Why Are You Still Single?
You may have the best of intentions by asking this question when it’s along the lines of, “You’re so great. Why are you single?” Still, you are putting him on the defensive and it may feel critical. After all, it implies that there is something wrong with being single. Think about it this way: how do you feel when you are asked this question?
#2: Why Did Your Last Relationship End?
This question is a little nosy for a first date. You just met him and he may not feel comfortable sharing this story with you. The gory details of his breakup are very personal and might be painful. Why not keep your first date more on the fun and light side?
Don’t forget that your date may not be completely open and honest with you at this stage when you spring this question on him prematurely. Any answer he gives you to this simple question may only scratch the surface of the complexity of why his last relationship didn’t work and what it may mean for a future relationship with you.
#3: Where Do You See This Relationship Going?
This question is premature. He just met you so there is no way he has an answer to where you two are headed. When you ask this question, you can look a little desperate and in a rush. Meanwhile, he might feel annoyed by being put on the spot.
#4: How Do You Feel About Marriage?
First dates are all about deciding if you want a second date. You want to keep them upbeat and light. When you ask about marriage, you are trying to bring your date to a place of commitment, and he’s probably not ready to go there yet, making you look desperate and needy.
#5: Do You Want to Have Kids?
Of course, you might not want to waste a lot of time with a man who doesn’t want what you want. The problem is, you could push a man away with this question if you are more interested in his view on kids than in getting to know who he is as a person. Wait until you know him for a while.
#6: How Much Money Do You Make?
Talking about what he does for a living is a normal date conversation. But, asking him how much money he makes, crosses the line into highly personal information. Your date may be concerned that you are more interested in his money than who he is as a person.
#7: How Is Your Relationship with Your Parents?
This could be a difficult subject for him to discuss if there is friction or he has lost his parents. He might be concerned that you are screening him because you won’t be OK if there are any issues. Again, this question is too personal for a first date. Better to find out about his parents when he knows you better and is comfortable sharing it with you.
Keep your first date light and upbeat. Better to get to know your dates as real people than to make them feel as though they are just someone to screen to see if they meet your criteria.
Don’t forget the questions to ask on a first date and those not to ask.
Have you ever had any first date experiences where your date asked you something awkward? How did you handle it?
Leave us a comment below. I always love to hear from you.