Does your relationship feel rocky, but you’re not sure if it’s just a rough patch or if you should throw in the towel?
Here are 7 signs that your relationship may be over:
1-Zero communication. You used to talk about everything. He was your best friend and confidante. Now you’re not talking about what’s important to you. Having a conversation feels very awkward.
2-He’s working too much. Is he a workaholic? Is he spending more time at work than usual and is not complaining about having to be away from you? Do you feel like he might be avoiding you? It’s also a problem if he won’t talk with you about work if he’s there so much.
3-Your relationship is a battleground. Couples fight. But if it feels like you’re constantly bickering, it’s a more serious matter. How couples handle conflict is important to a relationship’s success. Ideally, both partners can admit when they made a mistake and apologize to the other. It becomes very difficult when one or both get defensive and won’t acknowledge their problem in the dispute. Being defensive can be attacking (“You’re too sensitive.”) or being the victim (“Why are you picking on me?”) Neither defensive approach helps address and resolve the conflict. John Gottman, Ph.D., an expert in divorce prediction and author of What Makes Love Last? says another warning sign is when the couple has “failed repair attempts,” meaning they have trouble deescalating the tension during these emotional discussions.
4-He cheated. When he breaks the trust you had in him, it can be a huge problem. Some couples can get past an episode of cheating, but it may take a lot of work. For many, infidelity is a breach of trust that damages the relationship in a way that can’t be repaired.
5-You’ve lost that loving feeling. Do you miss him? Do you tell him you love him? Do you want to make future plans with him? Are you still affectionate with each other? If not, the relationship may be in trouble. Even though many people believe that conflict is the kiss of death in marriage, researchers have found that the main predictor of divorce is actually the loss of love and affection.
6-He puts you down. “You never listen.” “You’re too emotional.” Or maybe he calls you names or rolls his eyes when you talk.
7-No sex. He’s lost interest in sex. Maybe he tells you he’s had a long day or he’s tired. Everything that used to turn him on doesn’t seem to work anymore. Changes in sex drive can happen off and on in a relationship, but if he’s completely lost interest (and doesn’t have a medical condition), it’s not a good sign for your relationship.
These warning signs indicate serious trouble for a relationship, but they don’t always mean it’s over. Many people think relationships should always be easy and if they aren’t, it’s definitely time to get out. But, when people have trouble communicating, it can change how you feel about your partner and lead to some of these problems. If you can learn how to communicate more effectively, you may be able to repair many of these issues. The point isn’t to eliminate all conflict. The goal is to understand and accept each other, so you can get back on the same team and work things out peacefully.
There’s no shame in looking for additional assistance if you’re mired in conflict and unable to compromise, or if you start taking the issues very personally or drifting apart. Sometimes old patterns are so ingrained, it requires professional help to change them. Couples therapy can help you communicate more respectfully, lovingly, and effectively. Not all couples therapists are created equal. Get recommendations. Before booking an appointment, ask about their expertise and success with couples.
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