Women comment on my Facebook feed that dating won’t pay off for them. Why not? They believe that they aren’t having any dating success because men simply don’t like middle-aged women. And they are middle-aged women. But, is that really true? Is there a dating age range for finding true love? Does your age have anything to do with dating success? Unfortunately, there are a lot of societal misconceptions surrounding age, divorce, remarriage, and finding true love.
When you live in a culture as obsessed with youth and beauty as ours, it is understandable to think that you are at a disadvantage because of your age. Many people are trying to sell you something and they can get you to buy by making you feel insecure about your looks or age. But it’s not necessary.
Of course, there are some men who are looking for much younger women. But, there are plenty of men who want a partner who is closer to their own age. I thought it was highly unlikely that these women’s problems with dating were because men didn’t like older women. I decided to do some investigating and find out what research has been done on this topic. The AARP, the American Association of Retired People, is an organization dedicated to empowering those age 50 and older. I found a study the AARP had done on people who divorced between 40 and 79 years of age and the dating success and remarriage after divorce rates they had.
Do divorced women over 40 remarry? Yes!
The AARP Study, called “The divorce experience: A study of divorce at midlife and beyond,” found that 32% of divorcees remarried, and 9% were living with a partner. What made the biggest difference in the rate of marriage after divorce? Dating! Dating after divorce increased the chances that a divorcee would marry. Most divorcees date after their divorce, and dating leads to marriage for most of them. Of those who dated, 54% of men and 39% of women remarried.
Why are the remarriage numbers so low? The study had a few things to say about that. 43% of women don’t want to remarry, while 33% of men don’t. Why don’t women want to remarry? The female respondents didn’t want to take the risk of getting into another bad or unhealthy marriage. This study didn’t find any evidence to suggest that men didn’t want to date middle-aged women. A woman’s age was simply not a factor in this study at all when it came to dating success and remarriage.
So be careful about telling yourself that your age or appearance is standing in your way of finding love. Studies show that it’s not true. Getting out there to start dating again is the only way you’ll get the chance to meet and marry a new, healthy, loving partner. You won’t meet anyone sitting in your living room watching TV. If what’s blocking you from dating is a distorted perception of the importance of your age or looks, there might be more to the story here than the surface excuses you’re giving for why you can’t find dating success.
Why do so many women not want to remarry after divorce?
The study uncovered another significant and severe reason for why women didn’t want to remarry after a divorce. The biggest reason cited for divorce in this study was verbal, physical, or emotional abuse. If you’ve already been there, and are fearful of going through another abusive experience, your fears might surface as a different concern with dating. You may have felt intensely rejected by your partner and now you might be afraid of dealing with rejection, Assuming that all men only care about looks or age might be a way that your fears of rejection show themselves.
Understandably, women who’ve gotten out of an abusive relationship would be fearful of dating. Digging deep and looking into unlikely reasons why dating won’t work for you can bring painful, distressing emotions to the surface. In these instances, sometimes it’s easier to avoid thinking too deeply about the real reservations you have with dating.
It may be worth it for you to face those fears. Believe it or not, your past relationships can teach you lessons about what to be on the lookout for and what to do differently this time around. Getting out there to date again while facing your fears is often the road to a happier relationship or second chance, especially if you want a second marriage after 40. Sure, you might have a few things to learn about making healthier choices about your partners along the way. Maybe you have something to learn about communicating more effectively with a partner too. But being honest with yourself about your fears can help you to figure out where you got off track last time.
What happens to those who remarry?
The other really good news from this study is that those who remarried seemed to be pleased that their next relationship was going well. Most (67%) said their current marriages were on solid ground, and another 20% said they were working pretty well. So, those fears that you might have about getting into another relationship or marriage that doesn’t work for you may be completely unfounded. It’s very important to recognize that you can learn from your past relationships. You can make better choices and have a happier outcome than what happened in your first marriage. It is possible for you to have a second marriage success the way these couples have.
Are you afraid of getting into another relationship that might turn out like your last? Is there anything you’re doing to overcome these fears and heal from past trauma? Leave us a comment below.
If you want marriage or a committed partnership, think positive. Being a woman over 40 gives you a lot of advantages that you didn’t have when you were younger. What are they? You really should know what you have to offer. Click here to grab my FREE report: Dating Over 40: Know Your 7 Secret Advantages.