We hear the word ‘authenticity’ a lot these days. People admire it. They seek it out in their lives.
But what does it mean to be truly authentic? If you are honest with others but still lie to yourself, can you still call yourself ‘authentic’?
Being yourself and standing up for what you believe in is only part of real authenticity. The other, more difficult side of it involves being true to your own thoughts and feelings. How many truly authentic people can you think of?
Why is it so hard to be authentic to your true self?
We value people who appear open and honest and tend to avoid those who seem fake. It is much more difficult to understand if someone is being authentic to their inner selves, however. This can be especially true for us as women.
Many of us have been taught to be people-pleasers from the very beginning, so much so that the tendency to prioritize others’ happiness is hardly distinguishable from our personalities. The thing is, when your focus is on pleasing somebody else, you aren’t being true to yourself. Doing what’s right for you, whether others like it or not, is a critical piece of what it means to be your own authentic, true self.
People who are authentic are also able to express their feelings in a clear way. But if you’re more concerned with other’s feelings than your own, you might not even be sure how you feel, or you might think yours just aren’t very important. How can you learn to express yourself clearly if you can’t even accept how you feel?
Our culture teaches women that our primary value is in our beauty and sex appeal. When 90% of women aren’t happy with how they look, it should come as no wonder that it can be especially difficult for women to accept themselves or value their own feelings – important aspects of being authentic.
How can you be authentic when our culture constantly pressures you to be someone you’re not and tells you you’re not good enough the way you are? It takes awareness and courage to overcome that kind of pressure.
If you can’t do this now, it’s not your fault.
How can you start being authentic today?
Don’t worry. Just by reading this post, you are doing some things that indicate your true authenticity. You’re trying to understand your inner motivations and you’re open to learning from any mistakes you may have made in the past. Authenticity is about becoming more mature, about growing up a little more.
That’s what being your own Brand of Sexy is all about too: figuring out what you want, what works for you as an individual, and what strategies will help you reach your relationship goals (whatever they may be). These strategies often involve learning how to communicate in a more effective way. It’s about learning to accept yourself the way you are, rather than trying to conform to unhealthy cultural pressures that create a tyranny of beauty for women.
Recreating a sense of sisterhood can go a long way to making us all feel more accepted for who we are. When we feel valued by our sisters, we have permission to be our authentic selves, even if the rest of our culture isn’t okay with it.
Changing our culture means beginning to accept ourselves and others.
Be authentic. Be your own Brand of Sexy.
Join the Revolution! Be your own Brand of Sexy.
I know it is easier said than done. That’s why I’m working on a short course to help you get to know yourself and streamline the process of overcoming your hurdles to being the true you. Sign up here if you want to be one of the first to have a chance of working through my new video: How to Become Your Own Brand of Sexy in 5 Simple Steps.
In the meantime, you can start reading my book Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women for an in-depth discussion on finding your way on the journey to your ideal relationship, by being your authentic self.