How to Get the Relationship You Want: The 4 Best Secrets


Do you ever wonder how some women get the relationship they want? What are they doing to make such a difference when others stay single or deal with frequent breakups?

It’s simple: they make good dating decisions.

A lot of women tend to blame their looks or confidence for their single status, but that’s the wrong approach. When you blame your looks or level of confidence, you can’t see the forest for the trees. Sure, keeping yourself up is important, but there are other, more important factors to consider that don’t have anything to do with skin-deep “beauty” or confidence.

Of course, if you are more confident, you might make better decisions. If you love yourself, you might be more likely to expect respect from others, but, if not, you can still find love and sustain a good relationship.

Women who get and keep the relationship they want are not necessarily super beautiful or confident. They have their insecurities like the rest of us.

To get the relationship you want, you need to spend time addressing the areas where you really need help. Women get the relationship they want when they make good dating decisions and focus on the following areas.

Here are the 4 secrets of women who have succeeded. Now, you too can get the relationship you want:

1-  They interact well with men.

Ideally, you like men and are comfortable around them. If you are scared of men, afraid of rejection, or nervous for other reasons, it might interfere with your ability to enjoy their company and have fun with them. It can be very hard to flirt with a man if you are very nervous around him.  Try to figure out what is making you anxious so you can both have more fun on your dates.

Most relationships work better when there is a good understanding of the other person’s point of view. When you take your time getting to know a new man, it helps you to protect your heart and pace the relationship. Don’t make the mistake of trying to make major compromises with a man too soon. It’s not necessary to make the relationship work before you know if it is going anywhere. Otherwise, you might look desperate or needy.

2-  They can set limits.

Is it comfortable for you to say “no” to a man if you don’t like what he’s doing? For example, can you decline a last-minute date or playfully tease him if he’s consistently late? The ability to say “no” is instrumental in establishing healthy boundaries in relationships. Without this capability, providing valuable input becomes challenging, potentially hurting your chances of achieving the desired relationship.  If you can’t say “no,” it can adversely affect the chemistry between the two of you. When you can say “no,” you can be more selective and pace the relationship which makes a big difference in getting the relationship you want. Learning to be assertive is a better use of your time than buying that new dress for your date.

Start small. If you can’t say “no,” instead of instantly agreeing to what he wants, say, “maybe” or “let me think about that.”

3-  They accept themselves.

We all have our shortcomings. Nobody’s perfect. Many women worry that they aren’t beautiful, confident, smart, or successful enough. Some focus on tiny perceived imperfections in how they look. The internet is filled with ways to maximize your strengths and minimize any perceived imperfections. Research it if you want, but then try to accept yourself the way you are.

You are looking for a man who can accept you the way you are. When you work to accept yourself, it becomes easier to believe you can find a man who will accept you. If you can’t accept yourself right now, start with baby steps. For example, you can try to stop yourself when you are being self-critical because that can be being mean to yourself.

4-  They focus on the relationship, not the man.

Happily married women often tell me that their husband met few (or even none) of the criteria they had mapped out, but they were won over by his kindness or sense of humor. Make sure you are open to meeting good men, whether or not they have a full head of hair, 6 pack abs, or the right career or income. When you spend a lifetime with someone, a 6 pack is not as critical as his character. He may look great on paper, but can he create the kind of happy, healthy relationship you want?

Your list of criteria should include that he wants to make you happy. How he treats you is far more important than how he looks. Get used to being treated well by a man. Start to appreciate the little things a man does for you, like opening your door or offering you his jacket when you’re cold.

Failing to acknowledge the thoughtful actions he takes is a crucial mistake. If you don’t express appreciation for his efforts, why would he be motivated to do more? When you get used to men wanting to please you, that will become much more desirable than any substandard treatment you may have settled for in the past.

Your Next Success Steps

Remember, your love story is a narrative you have the power to shape. By implementing these strategies, you’re not only attracting the right partner but also fostering an environment for a lasting and meaningful connection.

Armed with self-awareness, resilience, and strategic decision-making, you’re not merely finding love – you’re inviting it into your life with purpose and intention.

Let your love story showcase the power of self-discovery and the art of crafting your own happily ever after.

You can do this! Don’t keep telling yourself that other women have a secret advantage over you. You can become one of the women who gets the relationship you want. What areas do you need to work on? Leave us a comment and let us know.

Are you concerned that being a divorced woman over 40 might be working against you? Believe it or not, your age has major advantages! Grab my FREE report to discover them here.


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  • Denise says:

    63 yrs old dating for 5 years seem that his focus is to much on the grand sons and only Daugther should I stop now

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Denise,

      So sorry for the delay in getting back to you.

      Are you saying that you feel left out or neglected?

      If so, have you told him it’s bothering you?

      This might be a problem that can be negotiated. I wouldn’t end the relationship without discussing it.

      How he handles the discussion will help you figure it out.


      Dr. Susan

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