Olivia, sat at her desk, staring at the clock. As a successful professional in a demanding field, she’d built an impressive career over the years. Yet here she was, jittery about a dinner date.
Her social circle had shrunk over the years. Work consumed her time, and dating colleagues was off-limits. Most men her age were married or divorced with baggage. But tonight was different. She’d met Adam, a successful entrepreneur, at a networking event last month.
She arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes early, smoothing her dress nervously. When Adam walked in, Olivia’s heart raced. He was even more handsome than she remembered.
“You look lovely,” Adam said, smiling.
“Thanks! I’m so glad we could finally do this,” Olivia gushed, realizing too late how eager she sounded.
Throughout dinner, Olivia found herself asking Adam questions with genuine interest, occasionally realizing she’d leaned in a bit too close. She smiled warmly at his jokes, her laugh just a touch too enthusiastic.
“You mentioned you’re a bit of a foodie,” Olivia said. “Do you have a favorite restaurant in the city?”
“There’s this great little Italian place downtown,” Adam replied.
“Oh, that sounds wonderful. I’d love to try it sometime,” she said, catching herself before adding ‘with you’.
As they finished their main course, Olivia hoped the evening would continue. However, Adam glanced at his watch.
“I hate to cut this short,” he said, “but I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow.”
Olivia felt a small pang of disappointment. “Of course, I understand,” she replied, trying to keep her tone light.
“This was lovely,” Olivia said as they prepared to leave. “I’d really like to do it again sometime.”
Adam smiled politely. “Let’s stay in touch.”
Walking home, Olivia realized she might have been a bit too eager. She made a mental note to dial it back next time – if there was a next time.
Dating for women over 40 can be tough. There just aren’t as many single men around, which can make you feel like you need to act fast when you meet someone. Society still has this annoying idea that you should be settled down by now, and that doesn’t help. Plus, it’s hard not to notice all the younger women out there dating too. If you want kids, that biological clock ticking in the background can really amp up the pressure. Throw in some baggage from past relationships, and it’s a recipe for coming on too strong sometimes.
With all this going on, it’s no wonder some women end up seeming a bit desperate or overeager when they’re dating. They might not even realize they’re doing it, but it happens. It’s just a natural reaction to feeling like time is running out or that good options are hard to come by.
When she comes off as a woman desperate for love, it can really hurt her chances. Looking at Olivia, it’s clear she’s much too eager to see Adam again. Arriving very early, leaning in too close, or prematurely hinting at future plans make her seem overly available and place too much importance on this single date. For a lot of men, this is a major turn-off. It can create pressure and discomfort, often making them want to back off. Being this eager kills the excitement of pursuit and sends warning signs about why she’s so invested so quickly.
The big problem here is that Olivia seems all in on Adam much too fast. How can she be so into him when she barely knows him? By not taking it slow and really getting to know him, she looks desperate. This rush to see him again before she even knows who he really is makes her seem like she’s lacking confidence and common sense. That’s not a good look in the dating world.
It’s better to take a different approach to dating. Here are 12 key areas to focus on to avoid appearing desperate:
1- Premature Arrival
Arriving too early for dates can signal over-eagerness and a lack of other commitments. It might make your date feel pressured or uncomfortable before you’ve even started.
2- Overreaction to Compliments
Overreacting to compliments can come across as insecure or overly eager to please. While it’s nice to show appreciation, gushing over every small compliment might make you seem desperate for approval.
3- Excessive Physical Proximity
Leaning in too close during conversation can make your date uncomfortable. It might be interpreted as rushing intimacy or being overly eager for physical contact.
4- Overenthusiasm
Laughing too hard at jokes or smiling too much can seem forced or like you’re trying too hard to impress. It’s great to show you’re having a good time, but don’t overdo it.
5- Oversharing Excitement
Revealing too much anticipation about the date or potential relationship too soon can create pressure for him. Saying things like “I’m so glad we could finally do this” might make your date feel like you’ve built up unrealistic expectations.
6- Rapid-Fire Questioning
Asking too many questions in quick succession can feel like an interrogation. While showing interest is good, bombarding your date with questions can be overwhelming and may come across as desperate to keep the conversation going at all costs.
7- Premature Planning
Hinting at future plans too soon, like suggesting trying a restaurant together on a first date, can make it seem like you’re rushing things. It’s better to focus on the present and let future plans develop naturally.
8- Obvious End-of-Date Disappointment
Showing clear disappointment when the date ends is a problem. It’s okay to express that you had a good time, but appearing overly sad or clingy at the end of the date can create pressure.
9- Immediate Date Request
Don’t ask for another date – it can make you look desperate. Instead, just say you had a good time and let him take the lead on whether you meet again. That gives you a chance to gauge his interest.
10- Rushing the Relationship
Pushing for intimacy or commitment too quickly is one of the signs you are desperate for love and can overwhelm your date. This includes physical closeness, emotional sharing, frequent texting, and future planning. Discussing long-term goals, introducing your date to family, or neglecting your own life for the relationship all fall here. Let connections grow naturally over time, maintaining your independence as you get to know each other.
Bottom Line
Remember, the goal of dating is to find a compatible partner, not to secure a relationship at any cost. It takes time to get to know a new man. Uncertainty and mystery fuel chemistry. Don’t extinguish the excitement of new possibilities by prematurely deciding he’s Mr. Right. By maintaining your independence, taking things at a natural pace, and focusing on genuine connection, you’ll not only avoid looking desperate but also increase your chances of finding a meaningful relationship. Confidence and self-assurance are attractive at any age, so embrace your experiences and approach dating with a positive, balanced perspective.
What do you think about these points? Do any of them resonate with your dating experiences? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Do you feel a little desperate and could use some personalized guidance? I’m here to help. As a dating coach, therapist, and psychiatrist with over 30 years of experience helping women find love, I offer one-on-one coaching sessions tailored to your unique situation. Whether you’re just getting back into dating or looking to refine your approach, I can help you boost your confidence and improve your dating success.
Contact me at info@drsusanedelman.com to learn more about my coaching services and how we can work together to help you find the relationship you deserve. Don’t let the challenges of dating over 40 hold you back – with the right approach, your perfect match could be just around the corner.
