Allow me to shatter one of the most common beliefs about how confident women think about dating:
You don’t need confidence and self-esteem to find and sustain love.
This may seem impossible to believe because our culture is constantly telling you that you must fully love yourself before you can love anyone else. If you believe these cultural messages, it’s not your fault. In order to start on the path to a better life, it makes a huge difference if you become aware that you have a choice whether to believe these messages or not.
This toxic myth is just one more on the list of others that crushes souls and causes heartbreak in our culture. Our confused culture tells perfectly normal, sweet, and healthy people who would make great romantic partners that they are not beautiful, wealthy, successful, or “shiny” enough to find love. Do you really think that everyone who finds love is confident, beautiful, wealthy, and successful? Of course not. Look around you. It is simply not true.
Sure, it helps to have a touch of confidence, but it is not a requirement for finding love. Millions of people who lack confidence and don’t meet these other criteria are in loving relationships. They may have a few issues with their relationship because of it, but they make them work. None of these are deal breakers for finding and keeping love.
These cultural messages may seem to have the best intentions, but they promote unrealistic and toxic ideals. And you might believe them and doubt yourself. That can make you feel less confident and competent when it comes to love.
However, a touch of confidence can help you in the dating process. When you feel insecure about what you bring to a relationship or you don’t trust your instincts and intuition, you can be more nervous and uncertain in the dating process. That can make it harder for you to enjoy dating. If it makes some of your dates awkward, it might narrow your choices in the dating pool.
The big difference between you and a confident woman is how you think. You may want to try on some confident dating thinking to help you to approach the process differently:
Confident Dating Thinking #1: Someday I’ll Meet Him
A confident woman is not worried that she will never meet anyone. She knows she has a lot to offer the right man and wants to meet a lot of men to figure out who is the best match for her. Rather than desperately trying to avoid being alone, she takes her time to explore and consider her options.
Confident Dating Thinking #2: I Have Time
A confident woman does not want to rush into a relationship until she is certain that he is a good match for her. She wants to know that her partner wants the same kind of relationship and commitment that she does. She takes the time she needs to get the information because it takes time to get to know a man.
Confident Dating Thinking #3: I Can Make Good Dating Decisions
A confident woman has faith in her instincts and intuition and feels comfortable setting boundaries with the men she dates. She knows that she can say “yes” to what she wants and “no” to what she doesn’t want. Whether he asks her over to his place before she is comfortable or wants a commitment before she has fully vetted him, she is comfortable with saying “no” in graceful, dignified ways.
Confident Dating Thinking #4: I Can Tell If He’s a Keeper
A confident woman knows she can tell the difference between a man who is a keeper and a man who is not going to make a good partner. She doesn’t let good looks or money sway her because she wants a man who will listen, support, and accept her, even if she isn’t feeling or looking her best.
Confident Dating Thinking #5: I Can Attract the Right Man
A confident woman is realistic about her situation. She knows that not every man is going to find her attractive or interesting. That is fine with her because she is looking for the right man for her, the man who will appreciate her inner beauty rather than simply caring about her appearance.
Your Next Success Steps: Figure out which of your thinking you need to work on and where you will start. Want to share it with us? Leave a comment.