You are on a date, are sitting at a table waiting for your dinner and you are eager to learn more about the person in front of you.
So, you start asking him questions:
“Where are you from?”
“Do you have any siblings?”
“What did you study?”
“What do you do for a living?”
“How tall are you?”
Men don’t like it when you grill them on dates. They can feel like they are in a job interview rather than a pleasant encounter with an interesting woman. If you have ever had a similar experience with a date, you know it is not relaxing or flattering when a man is more interested in whether you check all his boxes than wanting to know the real you.
Although you may simply be trying to avoid another broken heart by finding out as much as you can right away, you can appear desperate or pushy. You don’t want to put off dates because you treat them like a checklist rather than living, breathing human beings.
Believe it or not, you can get the answers to your questions without asking him too directly. Here are the 3 secrets to getting those answers without interrogating them:
1- Have Patience
What is your hurry to get all those answers anyway? You are more likely to have a future date if you make this one as pleasant as possible. If he is relaxed, he might open up and tell you more. And (this may shock you) men don’t always tell the truth. Maybe he is not comfortable being brutally honest with you right away, or maybe he’s a lying cad—it takes time to tell the difference.
2- Be Present
Drop the self-critical thinking so you can be there fully with him. Clear your thoughts of any worry about whether you wore the wrong outfit or look fat. Don’t think about your ex. You’re starting over.
If you have any concerns about him, just make a mental note rather than spending your time processing it when you’re with him. Unless you might be in danger, you need time to think it over and you can do that when you get home. For example, you may have serious concerns if you discover that he is not quite divorced yet or has issues with his kids that you didn’t expect, but it is not so urgent that you have to figure it out instantly. It’s OK to leave your options open and agree to see him if that’s what he wants. You can change your mind later if, after thinking it over, you decide the problem is a deal-breaker.
3- Let Him Lead
In our desire to be strong, independent women, we often discard old-fashioned, feminine dating strategies, even if they work. There is nothing wrong with waiting for him to ask questions about your relationship history or other potentially tricky questions. Once he has broken the ice, you can ask him similar questions without looking overly eager.
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Leave a comment or question if anything is holding you back from dating so we can give you tips.