The Most Important Dating Advice for Older Women


The dating world is never easy, even though it’s worth the struggle and quest if you want to find Mr. Right. When you’re young and out in the dating world, you’re faced with certain hardships and also advantages. It’s easy to look at the time you spent as a younger person on the dating scene with rose-colored glasses. Dating when you’re older comes with some advantages too. Still, you also need advice specific to dating as an older woman.

Women who are over a certain age often write to me requesting information about being an older woman in the dating world. They seem to think that dating when you’re older is vastly different when you reach a certain age. Maybe there are fewer unattached men for every single woman out there over a certain age. After all, dating is a numbers game. But otherwise, the basics are very similar to when you were younger and out dating.

You have to be a good date and follow a few simple strategies. After you read this article, if you still think your approach to dating should be different because of your age, please leave me a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

So how should you approach dating when you’re older?

Dating when you’re older doesn’t have to be an exercise in frustration. Keep these top three tips and strategies in mind on your road to meeting Mr. Right so you can be ready for him when he arrives.

  1. Always remember your ultimate goal for dating.

You must be very clear about what kind of relationship you want. What exactly is your goal for dating? Remember it when you’re out in the dating jungle. If you meet someone who wants a casual relationship and you want marriage, you could waste a lot of time with him. The last thing you want to do is to settle for less.

If you want a relationship with excellent communication and he avoids talking about any problems, you probably aren’t the best match. Maybe it’s possible to work through some issues. Still, many women give up what’s important to them, hoping that a man will change without any evidence that he will ever want to change. Be very honest with yourself. Don’t forget what you want.

  1. Slow down and take your time.

When you’re in a rush to get into a relationship, you can make mistakes that can land you in an unhealthy situation. Or you can lose your negotiating power. When you’re dating over a certain age, you might worry that you’re “losing time.” But finding a person to spend the rest of your life with is a serious investment in your future. You need time to make the right choice, no matter how old or young you are.

Pacing your relationship helps you determine precisely what kind of circumstances you’re getting into. Don’t just live life on your own terms – remember to date on your own terms as well. If you can’t tell if you will be able to influence a man, taking that time and space makes it easier to determine how motivated he is to be with you. If he’s not that into you, you’re not likely to resolve those issues that are bothering you.

  1. Recognize and appreciate your inner beauty.

Women are often insecure about their appearance at any age or weight. But when you’re dating when you’re older, you might begin to wonder if you’re losing your sex appeal, and it’s easy to see why. Our culture sends us messages constantly that we need wrinkle creams, Botox, and hair coloring at increasingly younger ages. We can start to think that there is something wrong with the way we’re aging, even when we look like everyone else in our age group. It can be hard to imagine that many women see wrinkles and gray hair as signs of wisdom or badges of honor. They show that we’ve gained something more valuable and timeless than youth.

Our wrinkles are formed when we laugh and express our emotions. They represent our joys and sorrows, our true selves. Our culture focuses on what’s skin deep and often wants us to hide who we really are. Yet, your inner beauty is what’s going to attract the right man to you. Everyone gets older — their skin, hair, and body change. But someone’s personality and values stay the same. Don’t you want a man who sees and loves you for your true self?

If you follow these basics, dating will work for you at any age. Please let me know if you think these don’t address your concerns about dating at your age or if you want me to go into greater depth about any of these in a future post.


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  • Denise says:

    I’ve was married for 25 years and going on 5 years of being divorced. My ex husband is the only man I ever been with. I’m having a hard time moving on and don’t know how to go about starting over. I have no experience dating. I tried dating websites and did not like the experience. Now my ex has a girlfriend and I’m struggling with this. I don’t know why. I don’t want to sit at home but I also don’t know where to go to be able to meet someone.

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Denise,

      I’m sorry to hear you’re having a hard time.

      You’ve come to the right place in terms of starting over. My blog has a great deal of information to help you get started with dating. You can start here.

      Are you struggling with your ex having a girlfriend because you miss him? Or is it more like you feel like he’s moving on and you haven’t?

      I’m not sure what you don’t like about dating websites, but many women aren’t thrilled with them. They do it to meet someone. But it’s important to screen men before you meet them so you meet the best men.

      Maybe you’re not ready for dating right now. You might need some time to process your feelings about your ex and your divorce. It’s in your best interest to understand how you feel before getting into another relationship, so it works out better next time. Here are some more ideas that might be helpful.

      Getting a coach or talking to a therapist can help too, if you’re open to the idea.

      You’re starting an exciting journey of discovery! You can learn a lot about yourself and your relationships that can completely transform your life. Let us know how we can help.

      Dr. Susan

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