How many men have you met who aren’t looking for commitment or who can’t seem to commit even when they say it’s what they want?
It’s probably quite a few.
After a while, it can get downright discouraging. You might have even started to believe that ALL men are commitment-phobic, but that simply isn’t true. Even though many men don’t want commitment or are players, there are plenty of good men out there looking for committed, long-term relationships. You just have to be able to figure out if he’s one of those keepers and how to get him to commit to you. Because let’s be real: it’s impossible to get a man to commit to you if he doesn’t want it or isn’t capable of committing.
So, how can you find a commitment-friendly man? Is there a way to screen your dates for their ability to commit to protect your time and your heart?
I’m sorry to break it down to you, but I don’t have a checklist of questions you can ask your date to screen for a commitment-phobic man. And, you shouldn’t ask for one in the first place. You definitely don’t want to grill the poor guy with personal questions on your first few dates. Many men complain that their dates feel more like an interrogation than a pleasant meeting with an interesting woman because many women use a checklist to screen a guy rather than listening to their instincts and intuition. But, here’s the thing: interrogators don’t get second dates, so why sabotage your chances of getting to know him? Take your time, get to know your date, and protect your heart
Yes, you can do all of those things!
Here’s how you can improve your ability to recognize whether a man is commitment-phobic or commitment-friendly:
1- Understand the Basic Warning Signs
It’s helpful to have a checklist of commitment-phobic traits to watch out for, but it’s not enough. You also have to listen to your instincts and intuition about what he’s telling you. A man who can’t commit may tell you that he wants commitment, but actions often speak louder than words. You have to figure out if he can do it. If he says that he wants to commit, but always finds excuses to avoid meeting your friends, disappears for days or weeks at a time, or only calls you for last minute dates, then those are some real red flags that he is commitment-phobic.
2- Pay Attention to What He’s Telling You
If you pay attention and listen carefully, people tell you who they are without you having to ask, or worse – interrogate.
3- Be Honest with Yourself
You might be tempted to overlook some things if you find him really interesting or attractive. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you noticed a red flag and threw caution to the wind, you know how important it is to keep yourself on track.
4- Be Aware of Your Blind Spots
Have you ever thought your relationship was meant to be and had no idea that you were going to get your heart broken by a particular man? If this has happened to you more than once, you may want to consider the possibility that you have a pattern with men. You may gravitate toward commitment-phobic men and away from commitment-friendly ones. If you have any unconscious fears about relationships, you might be finding fault with men who can commit or undermining a budding romance with commitment-friendly men.
Believe it or not, even if you desperately want a relationship, it’s possible to be afraid of one at the same time.
Take Sarah, for example. She was searching for love but was so critical of each potential partner that she met that she couldn’t just enjoy their company. When she tried online dating, she wrote back the commitment-phobic men quickly and delayed writing to the guys who were truly looking for love. Often, she’d be very late for dates or cancel at the last minute, but only with the emotionally available men. The men who didn’t scare her were the ones with commitment issues. They were safe because they couldn’t commit, but she was unhappy to always end up alone again. Finally, Sarah was able to take a good, hard look at her patterns and decided to grapple with her demons. Addressing her fears of love allowed her to make better choices with men.
So now that you know how to start making better assessments of a man’s ability to commit, what are your next steps? You can take my free quiz to help you better understand your dating style. Grab it here.
Have you ever overlooked some early warning signs in a relationship? If you found yourself in a situation with a commitment-phobic man, how did it work out for you? What would you like to share with other women about how to recognize a man who’s commitment-friendly? Leave us a comment below. We’d love to hear from you.