Use Your Inner Voice to Get What You Want in a Relationship


People give you clues and signals all the time that tell you whether it will be easy or hard for you to be in a relationship with them. When it comes to dating, sometimes you may miss those signs or overlook any warning of trouble ahead. Hindsight is 20-20, but it can be very painful to rehash and dissect your failures in love. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to predict whether you can get what you want in a relationship before your heart is broken? It’s possible.

Your critical inner voice guides you in a relationship.  It’s that nagging little concern that says, “Uh oh. He doesn’t live close by. Will that be a problem?” But when he’s super charming and you really hit it off, you may leave your worry on the back burner. It doesn’t seem all that important. You may tell yourself, “What’s the big deal? People make long distance relationships work all the time. We can do it too.” Rather than bring it up as a potential dealbreaker, you might try to forget all about it. But it’s a problem you really can’t ignore, because it requires discussions and planning to make it work. How can you have dating success when you disregard what you want in a relationship? How often will you see each other? Will you ever live in the same place? Without the answers, you don’t know if this relationship will work for you.

Of course, it’s rare to have the right chemistry and compatibility with a man, so you may be tempted to overlook some warning signs. If you’re lonely, you might be even more likely to throw caution to the wind. Be careful if you’re on the rebound from a breakup. Your judgment might not be as good as usual.

Tapping in to your inner voice can become even more complex if your friends or family are trying to influence you. Whether they are reassuring you that everything is fine when you have misgivings, or they’re trying to scare you about something you aren’t concerned about, it’s not so easy to “trust your gut” when you have mixed feelings, or you’re swayed by other’s opinions.

Here are 5 tips to help you to tune into your inner voice so you can get the relationship you want:

1. Be honest with yourself.

Sometimes the hardest part is just to be aware and honest with yourself that you have reservations. When you meet someone exciting, it can be hard to put a damper on your enthusiasm by facing any real problems that exist.

It’s easy to brush aside any problems when you’re a bit infatuated. Sure, other people make long distance relationships work, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner can do the same. Rather than talk yourself out of any uneasiness, be brave enough to face it.

Take some time alone to reflect on your potential relationship so that you don’t impulsively ignore any apprehension. Remember, research supports the adage that “love is blind.” Regularly writing in a journal about your thoughts and feelings can help you get in touch with your inner voice.

2. You always have a choice.

The thrill of a new romance can make people forget that getting into a relationship is making a major decision. Choose well and you get security, support, and happiness. Make a poor decision and the result may be stress, uncertainty, and insecurity. Don’t forget how important this choice is, so that you make the best decision you can.

3. Don’t let your past sabotage you.

If you’re confused or overreacting, your inner voice may not be as clear because other issues are at work. That might look like nagging insecurities, self-consciousness, or being overly critical of yourself or your potential partner. You may have issues from your past that make dating and relationships much more complex.

Getting into a new relationship is scary. We’re vulnerable to getting hurt or losing someone. A hunch might be unfairly based on fear, because your last partner cheated on you. Any traumatic events from your childhood could make you more afraid of getting close to a potential new partner. Your wires could be crossed; you want love, but a man who isn’t right for you might feel safer because it won’t last.

People often develop coping strategies as children to keep them safe when they’ve had problems growing up.  These lifelong patterns of relating probably worked well when you were young, but now an emotionally available man could set off unconscious alarm bells signaling you’re in danger and sabotage any dating success.

4. Decide how to resolve your concern.

Often bringing up any hesitation with your potential partner can give you the information you need to know if you can get what you want in a relationship. Pay attention to his reaction. What does your inner voice say? Did he take you seriously and address your concerns? Or did he minimize and tell you not to worry?

When do you bring them up? Timing is everything. You may want to wait to see if the relationship has a future rather than bring it up prematurely, but be sure to protect your heart. Don’t jump into a relationship without diplomatically expressing your concerns first.

That’s why it’s a good idea to take it slow and get to know him better before getting emotionally involved. Many women get attached when they get sexually involved, whether they want to or not. That makes it much harder to be objective about the relationship’s problems.

Some issues are easier to resolve than others. Long distance relationships are difficult for every couple. Make sure you aren’t jumping into it because it’s a long shot, and unconsciously it provides the safety you need. Will one or both of you consider moving or is this a dead-end relationship?

5. Get help if you need it.

People worry that getting help is a sign of weakness, but it’s actually a sign of great strength. Don’t be ashamed to get the help you need. If your relationship issues are mixed up with your difficult childhood or you are confused or overreacting, you will greatly benefit from sorting it out with a trained professional.

Bottom Line

Your inner voice is critical to making the best decisions, so you end up with dating success.

Are you listening to yours?

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