When is the last time you looked inside and thought about what you really wanted? When is the last time you voiced what you want? Feelings and thoughts help guide us. They are the keys to knowing who we are and what’s important to us. They signal to us our values. For example, if a guy comments on your appearance and it feels critical to you, you might feel on edge or upset. Knowing this about yourself and seeing how he reacts to you telling him, “Gee, thanks a lot!” can tell you if he might be worth keeping around. If instead of rolling his eyes or being dismissive he looks regretful, you might want to give him a chance.
When you examine what you want out of a relationship and what you desire from men, you’ve discovered a key to learning what your Brand of Sexy is. Knowing what your own brand of sexy is will improve your relationships with men and give you the confidence you need to get what you want out of life. It’s possible! Here’s how:
- You always have a choice.
- Media and peer pressure solutions might not be right for you.
- Slow can be sexy.
- Your voice matters.
- If a guy isn’t respecting your voice, move on.
Last week we talked about how slow can be sexy, that taking your time will save you emotional shrapnel. This week is all about learning to recognize your voice and how to stand up for what you want. When you figure out what you want and what you don’t want, standing up for those things is you using your voice.
Make the word “no” a part of your vocabulary
Many women are people-pleasers and it can feel combative when we say “no”. Does this sound familiar? This quiz can help you find out. Often women are conditioned to believe that it’s so much easier to just “go with the flow”. We don’t want to come across as pushy or argumentative, but ask yourself:
- Do you often put his needs before yours?
- Do you agree to activities or situations that you’re not comfortable with for the sake of argument?
- Do you find yourself ignoring your gut instincts for the sake of others’ feelings?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, it might be time to consider listening to yourself. That feeling of discomfort in those situations is the voice in your head telling you not to say “yes”, but to slow down and reconsider. It’s asking you to take time to rethink your answer. Your voice is who you are. It’s your value system. It’s what’s important to you. And your voice matters. Knowing your voice and letting it guide you can only improve your life in every facet, from work to family to intimate relationships. When you begin using your voice, your relationships will start to feel more like they’re on your terms.
The dream life you want for yourself is worth having, and it’s time to let yourself believe it’s possible! Learning how to use your voice takes practice. It doesn’t mean picking fights or having a “battle of the sexes” mentality. It’s not about winning or getting in the last word. It could be as simple as you telling someone, “I’m not comfortable with that,” and they reply “Okay.” You might feel nervous, but doing your best to keep a level head will make it easier for him to listen to you.
Say your new guy is routinely late picking you up, late to the point where you’re possibly annoyed or feeling hurt and unimportant. If you don’t express yourself, you may grow resentful down the road. That doesn’t mean you need to yell at him or “put him in his place.” You could handle this with humor: “You’re lucky I waited for you.”
“But what if I’m scared to say what I want?”
Perhaps you’re in a situation where you’re worried that if you express yourself, you’ll lose him. It’s true that it could happen. Keep in mind that if he disappears, you’ll know he really wasn’t that into you after all. Or maybe he’s the kind of guy who wants things his way all the time. What’s important is that by using your voice, you did what was best for you, whether he liked it or not. And if by doing so he sticks around, now you’re in a great place in your relationship to start openly communicating about future expectations.
Maybe you struggle with knowing what to say? That’s precisely why I wrote my eBook, What to Say to Men on a Date: Be Your Own Brand of Sexy. Consider it as a guide to help you say “no” to men in a way that you are comfortable with and in a way that fits your personality. In addition to basic questions most women encounter on dates and to questions about sex, it’s also filled with advice on how to handle men who are upset, unreasonable, or who aren’t treating you well. The eBook gives you a variety of responses to choose from ranging from serious to playful so that you can pick the perfect one for your voice. You’ll learn how to say “no” in a way that works for you.
This can be the year when you change your life. If you haven’t before, now can be the time when you start using your voice to get what you want. Download a FREE excerpt of my multi-award-winning book here. You’ll learn what works best for you so that you can learn how to start getting what you want from men and your life. Be Your Own Brand of Sexy!
Join the revolution of women taking control of their love lives here and on Facebook. Your voice matters!