Nobody wants to be the rebound girlfriend of a man who still has feelings for his ex, especially if you want a healthy, committed relationship with staying power. Dating a man who is stuck in his past relationship is frustrating and painful. And, most probably, you won’t have the “happily ever after” ending you are hoping for.
Breakups are hard and getting over your ex and moving on can be even harder. We’ve all been there at some point or another. But if you’re not ready to give your heart to someone new, your relationship will suffer.
That’s why it’s critical to be aware of the warning signs that tell you he’s still hung up on his ex. Why waste time with someone who can’t give his all to you?
Unfortunately, it isn’t always this easy. He may think that he wants to move forward, but not be aware that he is not over our ex. So don’t expect a man to warn you, but he may still give you signs he wants to get back with his ex.
It’s your responsibility to protect your heart so that he can’t toy with your affections, break your heart, or ultimately return to her.
Here are the 5 alarming signs that he’s not over his ex:
#1: He Frequently Talks About His Ex
Don’t get me wrong. It’s perfectly fine to share with your date about your past relationships.
But, if he talks about his ex all the time, then he’s probably still hung up on his ex.
Pay attention to some of these warning signs:
When he talks about his past relationship, does he get fired up about her or how much she hurt him? Does he tell you how awful she was?
Guys who talk bad about their ex are often not over the relationship, the breakup, or both. He may even still be fighting with her.
Even if he is complimenting you (“I love how adventurous you are. My ex never wanted to do anything fun?.), comparing you to a past girlfriend is a strong signal that he is still thinking about her. He might be doing this to try and convince himself that you are his future.
That said, if all he can do is talk about how wonderful she is, then it might be a sign he wants to get back with his ex. If he says “we” when talking about her, he still feels connected in a big way. If you pay attention to the frequency and intensity of your conversations about her, it will tell you a lot about whether he has moved on.
Ideally, he would talk about his ex respectfully, but not have a lot to say. She’s part of his past.
#2: He Has Contact with Her
If your new man is friendly with his ex, you need to decide whether you feel comfortable about it. Many women have a feeling that it can be dangerous for a man to still be friends with his ex. You should listen to your sixth sense, even when the guy is reassuring you that nothing is going on.
If he is in frequent contact with her, it may be a deal-breaker. You have to wonder if she is more important to him than he wants to admit to you.
Of course, there are some nuances here. Maybe he needs to keep some contact to discuss issues about their children. Make sure to pay attention to your radar as your feelings can guide you
#3: He Hasn’t Learned from His Mistakes
Beware if he blames his ex for all their problems and doesn’t take any responsibility for what went wrong. It takes two to mess up a relationship, and he is bound to have made some mistakes that contributed to their breakup.
Why should you care about this?
If he doesn’t have the maturity or perspective to see his part in the drama, he is likely to make the same mistakes with you and blame you for them. Ideally, he would be able to tell you what went wrong and how he would handle things differently in the future.
#4: It Hasn’t Been Long Since Their Breakup
Most people need time to heal after a breakup, especially if it was a serious relationship. You can’t just turn off the feelings you have for a person when you have formed that kind of close attachment.
Breakups cause trouble sleeping and make you lose interest in the things you enjoy. They disrupt your body’s rhythms.
When a man takes some time to be single again before dating again, it’s a lot more likely that he has put any feelings about her to rest. But, if he immediately jumps into a new relationship, then you may be just a rebound.
#5: He Doesn’t Introduce You to Friends and Family
Usually, when you’re in a new relationship, you want to share your world with them. A man who is still stuck on his ex might not feel comfortable with you meeting people who know his ex.
He may be holding out hope of getting back together with his former love. If he had really let go of his ex and was all in with you, he wouldn’t be afraid to show you off.
Don’t Settle for a Man Who Is Still Hung up on His Ex
You may be tempted to hold out hope that this new man of yours will be able to quickly recover from his last relationship and be emotionally available for a good relationship with you. Don’t forget how long it took you to recover when you had your last breakup. It could take a few months or a few years to let go.
You might want to consider letting him know that you would be open to dating him at some point in the future when he is giving you the right signs he is moving on. In fact, when you meet a man who is divorced or separated, it’s very self-protective to say, “I think you’re a very interesting man, but I don’t date married men. When you get divorced, I’d love to hear from you.”
Why put yourself on an emotional roller coaster when you can plainly see all the warning signs? There is no need for you to settle for a man who isn’t ready to give you what you need.
Have you ever dated a guy who wasn’t over his ex? How did it turn out? Leave us a comment below. We would love to hear from you.