If you are single, then you know how hard it can be to find that person who feels like the right fit. And, when you finally meet someone who you feel that special connection with, it’s easy to overlook a few issues that could make your relationship complicated. Maybe he lives far away. Maybe he just ended a relationship and isn’t ready for anything serious.
Whatever the obstacles, when you believe he is your perfect match, you may desperately want to make the relationship work. You may think that another man this great will not come along again too soon, so you are ready to ignore all those glaring signs that indicate that this relationship has major deal breakers. You just want to make it work.
Unfortunately, there is some bad news for you here. Despite what you may believe, he’s actually not the perfect man for you after all.
But why not?
Because timing is everything.
Research shows us that the idea that being ready for love makes a huge difference is true. Being ready determines your ability to find and sustain a relationship.
Here are the potential deal breakers you don’t want to overlook:
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #1: Rebound
If either or both of you have recently ended a relationship, you might try to get into another one too quickly. Of course, it’s understandable that you want companionship if you’re feeling lonely. But you don’t want to avoid grieving the loss by getting into a new relationship too soon because you won’t be emotionally available which makes your new relationship quite bumpy.
If you’re widowed or divorced, it can take a year or more to be healed and ready for a relationship.
So watch out for signs of rebound: he tells you he’s just out of a relationship, talks about his ex all the time, isn’t fully connecting with you, and is hot and cold with you.
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #2: Different Lifestyles
Your lifestyle matters. How will your relationship work if he wants to travel and you want to stay home? What if you want kids and he doesn’t? Or maybe you dream of moving to the country and he would have nothing to do there.
No matter how great the chemistry or connection between the two of you, you may not truly be compatible for a long-term relationship.
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #3: Different Priorities
If your priority is taking care of a loved one and his priority is traveling the world, will you ever see each other? Some amount of compromise is inevitable in every relationship, but not seeing your partner puts a strain on even the best relationship.
Couples often have somewhat different priorities. Maybe your kids are yours, but his main focus is his work. As long as you devote time and energy to your relationship, different priorities don’t have to be a deal breaker. But, if one person can’t devote that time and energy, you have a problem.
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #4: Long Distance
It’s hard enough to make a relationship work when you live close by. They say that distance can make the heart grow fonder, but you can also end up, “out of sight, out of mind.” Too much separation is rough on a couple. Ideally, you have a future plan to be together, but if that isn’t in the cards, it’s a deal breaker.
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #5: Major Life Events
Major life changes can make it very hard to enter into a new relationship. If you’ve lost a family member, gotten divorced, started a new career, or just graduated, you likely will devote a lot of time and energy to working on the next phase of your life. It just may be too much to add more to your plate.
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #6: Different Approaches to Finances
It may take time to find out if your partner has a totally different approach to finances than you. If their take on it makes you feel very uncomfortable, it can be a deal breaker. Does he owe a lot of money? If he were to get laid off, would he be unable to pay the money he owes? Will either or both of you have a problem if you make more money than he does?
Deadly Dating Dealbreaker #7: Not Looking for a Serious Relationship
Don’t forget the biggest deal breaker of all: you want commitment and he doesn’t. Whether he tells you directly that he doesn’t want a serious relationship or he is just obviously emotionally unavailable for the kind of connection you want, this situation is bound to be frustrating for you.
Take your time and be honest with yourself to make sure he is the right partner for you.
Have you had any experience with these dealbreakers? Leave us a comment.