7 Early Signs He’s Not the One for You When Dating


As a single woman, you know how hard it can be to find a man who feels like the right fit. And, when you finally meet a man who you feel that special connection with, it’s easy to overlook a few issues that could make your relationship complicated. Although you feel really attracted to him, maybe you can’t shake off the feeling that something isn’t right.

Unfortunately, those little red flags you may want to ignore in the early stages of love are usually the cause of your heartache later. The good news is that it is possible for you to prevent the heartache of a relationship that has gone sour, leaving you with regret and sorrow.

So, it’s important to take a step back and consider what’s really important to you in a relationship. When you’re crystal clear on what’s important to you, you’ll be able to avoid the pain and disappointment that comes with a relationship that’s not meant to be. That way, you can focus on building strong, lasting partnerships that bring you joy and fulfillment “Is he the right one for me?” will become a much easier question to answer.

If you are truly ready to find lasting love, then you want to filter out men who aren’t a good fit. That will speed up the process of finding the relationship you want. Being ready determines your ability to find and sustain a relationship.

Here are 7 of the signs he’s not the one for you:

1- Rebound

If either or both of you have recently ended a relationship, you might try to get into another one too quickly. Of course, it’s understandable that you want companionship if you’re feeling lonely. But you don’t want to avoid grieving the loss by getting into a new relationship too soon because you won’t be emotionally available which makes your new relationship quite bumpy.

If you’re widowed or divorced, it can take a year or more to be healed and ready for a relationship.

So, watch out for signs of rebound: he tells you he’s just out of a relationship, talks about his ex all the time, isn’t fully connecting with you, or is hot and cold with you.

Be honest with yourself. These are signs that he’s not the one for you.

2- Different Lifestyles

Your lifestyle matters. How will your relationship work if he wants to travel and you want to stay home? What if you want kids and he doesn’t? Or maybe you dream of moving to the country and he would have nothing to do there.

No matter how great the chemistry or connection between the two of you, you may not truly be compatible for a long-term relationship.

3- Different Priorities

If your priority is taking care of a loved one and his priority is traveling the world, will you ever see each other? Some amount of compromise is inevitable in every relationship, but not seeing your partner puts a strain on even the best relationship.

Couples often have somewhat different priorities. Maybe your kids are yours, but his main focus is his work. As long as you devote time and energy to your relationship, different priorities don’t have to be a dealbreaker. But, if one or both of you aren’t willing to make your relationship a priority, you have a problem. How to know if he’s the one? You’re absolutely sure he wants to make you his top priority.

4- Long Distance

It’s hard enough to make a relationship work when you live close by. They say that distance can make the heart grow fonder, but you can also end up, “out of sight, out of mind.” Too much separation is rough on a couple. Ideally, you have a future plan to be together, but if that isn’t in the cards, it’s a deal breaker.

5- Major Life Events

Major life changes can make it very hard to begin a new relationship. If you’ve lost a family member, gotten divorced, started a new career, or just graduated, you likely will devote a lot of time and energy to working on the next phase of your life. It just may be too much to add more to your plate.

6- Different Approaches to Finances

It may take time to find out if your partner has a totally different approach to finances than you. If  their approach to handling money makes you feel very uncomfortable, it can be a deal breaker. Does he owe a lot of money? If he were to get laid off, would he be unable to pay the money he owes? Will either or both of you have a problem if you make more money than he does?

As the saying goes, “Love is blind.” It’s easy to put off facing these problems, but it’s better to know where you stand sooner rather than later. How else will you be able to tell if he’s the one?

7- Not Looking for a Serious Relationship

Don’t forget the biggest deal breaker of all: you want commitment and he doesn’t. Whether he tells you directly that he doesn’t want a serious relationship or he is just emotionally unavailable for the kind of connection you want, this situation is bound to be frustrating for you. If you want lasting love, he’s not the one for you.

Bottom Line

Identifying potential problems early in a relationship is absolutely critical to avoiding disappointment and heartbreak down the line. By being crystal clear on your non-negotiables, you can avoid relationships that don’t align with your vales, goals, and vision for the future.

Remember, you must have the courage to say “no” to anything that doesn’t meet your standards and expectations. And, you must be willing to invest your time and energy only in those relationships that are worthy of your commitment.

Take the time you need to analyze your options, and make conscious decisions about your relationships. This is the road to building a successful, happy relationship.

Is it obvious to you when a man is not right for you? Leave us a comment. We love to hear from you.

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