In April 2021, Jennifer Lopez ended her engagement with Alex Rodriguez, closing a chapter on one of Hollywood’s power couples. A month later she was seen with Ben Affleck, reigniting a flame that had been extinguished for 17 years. Sources say they quickly “picked up where they left off.”
Their first engagement had ended in 2004 because, she says, they weren’t “mature enough” to figure out their relationship. Although they moved on to other spouses, both divorced.
Affleck’s journey had been particularly tumultuous, marked by going to rehab three times. Despite this, Bennifer 2.0 moved at whirlwind speed. By 2022, wedding bells were ringing, seemingly bringing their long-paused love story full circle.
How did it happen so fast?
MSN reported that Affleck “sold himself on ‘being a changed man'” to Lopez.
The fairy tale reunion was short-lived. Two months ago, J.Lo filed for divorce from him. Reportedly, “She didn’t want to file for divorce. She just felt like she had no choice. Nothing was gonna change with Ben.”
Why We Make Excuses for Partners
Believing that someone has truly changed requires time and evidence. Unfortunately, when emotions are running high, it can be easy to skip over the need for proof.
Lopez’s quick acceptance of Affleck as a “changed man” is a classic example of making excuses for a man – a pattern many women fall into, often without realizing it.
I don’t know J.Lo or Ben Affleck personally, but as someone who has worked with many people struggling with relationship issues, I’ve seen this pattern play out many times.
Women who want to build healthy, lasting relationships need to ask themselves some tough questions: What evidence do I have that he’s truly changed, beyond his words or short-term behavior?
Another crucial question is: Why am I rushing back to a complicated ex? While rebound is often the simple answer, it’s only a surface-level explanation. In my experience, deeper psychological needs often drive these choices.
Rebound relationships can serve as emotional Band-Aids, covering the pain of a recent breakup and other unresolved emotions. They can boost self-esteem, provide validation, and offer a sense of desirability. Rekindling an old flame, like “Bennifer,” can provide comfort and familiarity during turbulent times.
J.Lo’s Journey: Childhood Roots of Adult Relationship Patterns
Jennifer Lopez’s recent documentary, “The Greatest Love Story Never Told,” offers a raw glimpse into the roots of her romantic struggles. Filmed before her latest split with Ben Affleck, it reveals a childhood marked by emotional turmoil and insecurity.
Lopez describes feeling emotionally neglected as a child. She characterizes her mother as a “narcissist, life of the party kind of person.” Her father worked night shifts and slept during the day, and she felt ignored by him.
Lopez candidly talks about a deep-seated fear of being alone and feelings of inadequacy. The documentary suggests she might use love as a form of self-medication for past hurts. She also discloses experiences of being manhandled and hit in past relationships.
This turbulent background offers insight into why Lopez, like many women, might be drawn to complicated relationships and quick to excuse a partner’s behavior. Her story, while played out on a public stage, echoes the private struggles of countless others.
Unraveling the Past: How Childhood Shapes Our Choices
Women with unresolved intimacy issues often find themselves inexplicably drawn to partners who keep them emotionally off-balance. If this sounds familiar, deep within, a part of you may recognize the familiar ache of unfulfilled connection, an echo of past hurts you’ve tried to bury.
In this emotional minefield, you can become adept at making excuses. Every withdrawal, every emotional absence is explained away. “He’s just going through a tough time,” you may tell yourself, heart aching. These rationalizations aren’t conscious choices, but reflexes born from deep-seated default coping mechanisms.
These rationalizations serve as a shield, protecting you from the terrifying prospect of true intimacy. The fear of being hurt again, of laying your heart bare only to face rejection, can feel overwhelming.
This pattern speaks to an unconscious part of you, a place where old wounds still throb. The push and pull of reaching for connection and falling short resonates with a rhythm set long ago. On some level, you may be looking for a chance to finally solve the unsolvable puzzle of your past.
Breaking the Pattern: Recognizing Excuses in Relationships
The deeper truth is: making excuses for men often signals underlying, unresolved issues. If you find yourself repeatedly falling into patterns like making excuses or blaming your partner, or you’re unable to learn from past mistakes, unconscious forces may be at play.
These hidden issues often stem from painful past relationships or childhood experiences. Many cope with such trauma by trying to move on and forget, inadvertently burying their pain deep within their subconscious. These aren’t just temporary coping mechanisms, but deeply ingrained patterns that become a part of how we navigate relationships.
Recognizing this unconscious pull towards emotional unavailability, the reflexive excuse-making or blame-shifting, and the familiar ache of unmet needs is the first step towards genuine connection. When you begin to identify these patterns, working with a highly experienced professional can be invaluable in order to tease out ingrained reactions and develop new, healthier responses. This process often involves exploring your past experiences, identifying triggers, and learning new coping mechanisms.
It takes courage to confront the possibility that your relationship struggles might be rooted in your past. As challenging as it may seem, accepting that the source of turmoil often lies within you, rather than with others, can be transformative. This realization can unlock a new level of relationship with yourself and others.
Understanding this connection can help you break the cycle and form healthier relationships. While this journey of self-discovery can be challenging, it can lead to more fulfilling relationships and personal growth. Remember, acknowledging these patterns isn’t about blame, but about empowering yourself to make positive changes.
Taking the Next Step: A Gentle Approach to Healing
Did J.Lo’s story hit home? I know it can be scary to look at your relationship patterns.
I’ve helped many women who felt just like you do now. Scared, but knowing something needs to change. Taking that first step is the hardest part, but you don’t have to do it alone. With many years of experience, I’m here to guide you through this journey.
Ready to explore why you might make excuses in relationships? We can talk about it. No pressure, no judgment – just a safe space to understand yourself better.
What do you say? Ready to take that brave first step? Read more here.
Please give me any feedback on this article. Leave your comments below.
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