In January, did you tell yourself your New Year’s resolution was to find a good relationship? If you’re disappointed with your love life so far this year, maybe it’s time to shake things up in terms of how you’re approaching dating and relationships.
Are you making the same mistakes with men over and over again? Do you keep finding yourself with guys who don’t treat you well? Or are you just so hard on yourself that you don’t make a very fun date or partner? Maybe you’ve already convinced yourself that you can’t find love.
Don’t give up!! Remember that change is very hard. One of the most difficult parts of changing is acknowledging that you might need some help, so by reading this blog you are already well on your way!
Concrete steps could help you make the changes you need to find—and keep—the right man for you.
- Get sick of the status quo. It helps to be tired of your current situation in order to change it. If you’re letting men treat you badly and telling yourself, “Oh well, it’s not a big deal,” then maybe you’re not really ready for change. Why are you accepting less than what you want? There’s no shame in having difficulty finding a relationship. But you have to admit that you have a problem before you can do anything to change your situation.
- Be open to change. Many people say they want to change their lives, but they are secretly frightened of getting what they want. If you’re dating or hooking up with men who don’t treat you well or who just aren’t what you want, maybe it’s time to face your fears of finding the relationship you want.
- Develop a growth mindset. A growth mindset is all about believing that you can grow and learn new skills. On the other hand, a fixed mindset (the belief that you’re stuck the way you are) might leave you feeling defeated and like you’re never going to meet the right guy. But this perspective sells you short, because so much of finding love is about developing strong dating and communication skills. It’s also about learning who you are and what you want.
- Find the right mentors. It’s really fun to talk about your love life with your single girlfriends, but they might not always give you the best advice, especially if they also have problems with men. It’s critical for you to figure out who in your world gives good advice and who doesn’t. Then, only listen to the ones who are helpful. Otherwise you could be sabotaging yourself. Cultivate your friendships with women who are married or have relationships that you admire.
- Commit to your goal. Do you work on your relationship goal every day? Are you reading books, talking to positive mentors, and trying to understand what isn’t working for you? Many women say, “All the good men are taken,” but it’s more likely that you just aren’t looking in the right places or you simply aren’t working on yourself.
- Start with something easy, practice, and track your progress. As a psychiatrist, I have worked with hundreds of patients over the past 30 years who wanted to improve their lives. I can tell you that what works is starting with the easiest change, practicing, and giving yourself a lot of praise for making that small step. It helps to keep some kind of journal so that you can see where you started and how far you’ve come. Telling yourself that the progress you’ve made isn’t good enough is going to stop you from making any more progress. If you can’t give yourself any kind of praise, you might need some help with this process (another reason why you need good mentors in your life!).
Often the first step in the recipe for changing your love life is to simply adjust what you say to men. That’s why I wrote my new ebook, What to Say to Men on a Date: Be Your Own Brand of Sexy.
This ebook is a guide to help you answer tricky questions from men in a way that you are comfortable with and fits your personality. It includes basic dating questions that most single women regularly encounter, as well as advice on how to handle men who are upset, unreasonable, or who aren’t treating you well. The ebook gives you a variety of responses to choose from ranging from serious to playful, so that you can pick the perfect one for you. All the replies are designed to get you what you want.
Start getting what you want from men. Be your own Brand of Sexy.