Single Moms: Do Men Avoid You Like the Plague?

2
Nov

One of my Facebook followers says men don’t date single moms. So in her opinion and experiences, a single mom’s chances of meeting anyone are zero. I don’t believe this. I know many single moms who’ve found Mr. Right and married them. Anecdotes aside, it’s best to have facts and numbers in your arsenal to strengthen your argument. I checked the statistics to see what the numbers say about single moms, dating, and remarriage after divorce or the death of a spouse.

What does the research say about single moms and dating or remarriage?

It turns out that 57% of people who’ve been divorced remarry. So if you want a second chance at love and want to meet someone after divorce, get out dating rather than sitting in front of the TV. Put yourself out there, and you’re likely to succeed at finding love eventually. But what if you want a second chance at finding love, and you’re still raising your kids?

The Pew Research Center says marriage with kids is at an all-time low. 62% of children are living with parents who are married. 15 % of them live with parents who married again after divorce or death of a spouse. 7% of them live with parents who are cohabiting. For white couples, the rates of being married with children are higher.

What do the statistics say about remarriage after the death of a spouse?

It’s not easy to find statistics on what happens after you tragically lose a spouse while raising children. But marriage counselors think widowers are more likely to remarry than men who divorce, and they think that widowers’ second marriages last longer than the second marriages of men who get divorced.

The Census Bureau thinks ten times as many widowers remarry as widows over the age of 65. Of course, from a numbers perspective, widowers are in the minority. Widows have a similar relationship history and potential to marry and have a good second marriage, but there are fewer men in their age range because women live longer. It’s not that older single women can’t find love because of their age. It’s more or less a numbers game.

What should single moms consider when it comes to dating?

Naturally, some men don’t want to date a single mother. This isn’t discrimination against single moms. Some women won’t date single fathers for similar reasons. Men don’t want any drama from the ex-husband or don’t want to raise another man’s child. Raising kids is hard, and it’s a major commitment. Maybe they don’t want the financial or emotional responsibility of being a parent figure to a child.

Some men want to be your top priority rather than having to play second fiddle in cases where the child’s needs have to come first. Some men don’t like kids and simply aren’t looking for anything as serious as being a stepparent.

That’s OK. These aren’t the men you want anyway. You’re looking for a grown-up man who welcomes a serious relationship and the responsibilities that come along with it, especially when it comes to being a stepdad.

If you’re a single mom, you want to date men who understand that your child has to be a priority in your life. Single moms who are worried that they can’t find a good man could try to look at it from a different perspective. Being a mom is one way to weed out the guys who won’t commit. Rather than seeing your children as a liability to your chances for love, think about the kind of man and the relationship you seek.

As a single mom, ask yourself what you want when it comes to dating.

Do you want a blended family where he also has children you can raise together? Do you want more children with him? Keep your dream alive. When you focus on the negatives of your situation, you forget that every woman has something that is intimidating or unappealing to some man out there, just the way that your unique gifts will appeal to some men and not others. You just need one good man. The qualities you have developed by being a single mom may be what will attract a good man to you. Don’t give up.

Keep up the practice of dating, so you’re ready for Mr. Right when he shows up. If you don’t meet anyone at work, stay active at your children’s school or church. Go places where other single parents are likely to be. You can also try online dating. Make it clear in your online profile that you have children. But don’t go on and on about how men don’t like women with kids.

Don’t ask a man a lot of questions about whether he can handle it. You’ll find out soon enough without asking. It’s also critical that you don’t get seriously involved with anyone who doesn’t show a lot of interest in being a part of your children’s lives. Wait to introduce him to them until you know him very well, and it’s obvious that your relationship is serious. If he rejects you because he can’t deal with them, even though it may hurt, you’ve dodged a bullet.

Are you afraid of rejection by yet another man who doesn’t want a single mom? What are you doing to increase your chances of meeting a man who’s right for you? Leave us a comment below.

 

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