Six Reasons Why Obsessing Over a Man Can Be Dangerous—And What You Can Do About It


Many women decide a particular man is right for them and then devote all their attention to him. They exhaust themselves (and sometimes their friends) with questions like, “How does he feel about me?” “Why isn’t he calling?” and “Should I call/text/email him?” You can drive yourself crazy worrying about these things. Here are six big reasons why it isn’t good for you to continue obsessing:

1-   Obsessing makes it impossible to do anything else in your life. You surrender your power. When you make him the center of your world, you are no longer your top priority. How can you concentrate on your work when you can only think of him? Obsessing about him puts your happiness in his hands. It’s frustrating and painful. When you have such a narrow focus, it limits other areas of your life, wastes your time and energy, and hurts your relationships with friends and family.2-   You will be vulnerable to bad judgment, because you can’t see his flaws. Remember that love is blind. That makes it very difficult to protect your heart. When you’re just getting to know a new man, you probably don’t know him well enough to throw caution to the wind. This is a time to figure out whether he is a good match for you or not, so it’s important to put those dreamy feelings aside and put your thinking cap on. Obsessing makes it harder for you to tell if he is worth worrying about. And it can make you more likely to enter an unhealthy relationship.

3-   It sets you up for failure. How can he get to know the real you and make a real connection with you when all you can think about is him? When you obsess about him, you are more likely to feel nervous about the relationship working out. That makes it harder for you to be yourself. And, when he finally does call, you’re more likely to sound tense or overly eager. The man will notice this. He might feel like you’re needy and desperate, which is not usually a turn on. If he feels fully responsible for your happiness, he can feel pressured. He’s just not going to feel as comfortable with you if you aren’t comfortable with yourself. If he’s not comfortable, he may not want to get closer to you.

4-   You can lose yourself in the relationship, which can make breaking up even more painful. If you give all your energy and time to a guy, you may sacrifice your friendships and family relationships. Then who will be your support if you two have a fight or break up? It’s not healthy for any of us to have only one person in our support network.

5-   Worrying is bad for your health. It’s stressful to obsess over a guy, and stress can make us tired and cranky. Chronic stress can even cause serious health problems, like heart disease, while positive emotions seem to protect people against heart disease. Most of us can’t escape stress in life (no matter how tempting it may be to quit our jobs and hang out on the beach instead), but we can choose not to worry about every phone call or date with a guy.

6-   Obsessing over a guy can lead to relationship and sex problems. In its extreme form, obsessing over a romantic partner is known as “romantic obsessive-compulsive disorder” (ROCD).  ROCD has been linked with mood and relationship problems. One recent study even found that ROCD symptoms were associated with decreased sexual satisfaction.

If you’re just getting to know him, it’s much more important to make sure he’s a good match for you, rather than fantasizing about something that doesn’t exist. Take note of how you feel when you’re with him. Do you feel happy or anxious and insecure? Does he treat you nicely or is he critical?

Focus on what makes you happy outside of the relationship. Think about your work, hobbies, and friends. Don’t forget that you have your own life.

If you can’t stop obsessing, you may need treatment. Please visit my How To Find A Therapist page for more information.

Have you ever obsessed over a guy? If so, how did that affect you? Or did you focus on your own life? I’d love to hear from you.  Please share your experiences in the comments below and on Facebook and Twitter.

You can do this.  Join the revolution.  Be your own Brand of Sexy and get what you want.

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