We put a lot of pressure on ourselves when it comes to dating, which can lead to negative thoughts. It’s not surprising that sometimes a simple, casual date feels more important than it needs to. Here’s the thing: a few bad dates don’t mean that you will end up alone. But, you do need to understand what’s holding you back if you always seem to have lousy experiences.
A lot of the women I talk to think they know what the problem is and why they are not successful in their dating process. Most of them, however, approach their dating situation with a negative, critical, or hopeless attitude.
In this article, you’re going to learn how to keep your negative thoughts from blocking you from dating success. After all, if you think you can’t succeed, how are you going to believe that you can do it? How will you keep trying when the going gets rough? You’re more likely to give up when you think it’s impossible.
1- I Have No Confidence
Whether you lack confidence in your appearance, your intelligence, or anything else, the problem is the same. Your negative thoughts are probably holding you back.
Every soul on this Earth has lacked confidence at one point during their lives. It’s normal to feel that way and it’s also normal to work toward improving your self-esteem.
It doesn’t matter what you aren’t confident about. You can build your confidence by taking small steps toward your goals and giving yourself credit for the progress you’ve made, even when those steps are small.
2- I Never Meet Any Good Men
I know dry spells are discouraging, but you need to remind yourself that it’s only temporary. Even if you aren’t meeting anyone right now, you can still get yourself ready for love. By working on your relationships at work, with your family, and your children, you can improve many of the skills that can help you with your dating and romantic life. You can learn how to be more aware, a better communicator, and when and how to stand up for yourself. This can also improve your confidence.
3- Men Don’t Find Me Attractive
Our culture’s unhealthy obsession with appearance isn’t good for any of us. Just look around you for a second and you will see that plenty of women who don’t look like supermodels find good men. That’s because finding a good partner takes more than just looks. Men are attracted to the way you make them feel, not just how you look.
You need to remind yourself that your inner beauty is much more valuable and can lead to greater happiness and confidence.
4- I Don’t Know Where to Meet a Nice Man
There isn’t any secret location where all the good men hang out. People have met their spouse in the most mundane places – their place of work, a class, church, or through online dating. In fact, 5% of Americans claim that they have met their partner online, whether they’re married or otherwise committed.
5- I’m Not Making Progress
We take baby steps to change our lives and that’s true for everyone. The only problem is when you don’t give yourself credit for the steps you’ve made. Don’t be hard on yourself and quit after just a few tries. Keep working on it. Get help from a coach or therapist if you aren’t seeing improvement. It’s a sign of strength, not a weakness to ask for help when you need it.
6- I Don’t Want to Play Games or Seem Manipulative
Many people are uncomfortable with the idea of having strategies to get what they want. But it’s not about manipulation or deceit. It’s about learning how to effectively communicate your needs.
7- I Have Bad Luck with Men
A few bad dates don’t mean there’s a hex on you. However, they might indicate that you have a problem understanding how dating and relationships work and that you need to take action to get the treatment you want and deserve.
8- All the Good Ones Are Taken
There are plenty of good single men still out there looking to meet someone like you. When you assume there is no one left for you, what you are actually doing is giving up. And, if you have this belief, then meeting the right person for you is going to be incredibly hard. You’re not going to meet anyone sitting at home, feeling sorry for yourself. Put yourself out there, go on online dating sites, and have faith that you will find a man that is good for you.
9- Men Are Just Looking for Fun and Don’t Want a Woman with Children
Indeed, many men aren’t looking for serious, committed relationships. But those aren’t the men you’re looking for, so don’t stress about it when you meet one of them. Tell yourself that you’ll find someone who does.
10- I Don’t Know Where to Start
Start by trying to figure out what you want, what you don’t want, and what you want to do differently. Try to forgive yourself for any past mistakes. It’s not your fault that modern dating is broken. Just start over.
Action Questions:
- Which negative thought stood out to you?
- What’s your plan to get started with changing your mindset before your head hits the pillow tonight?
- Would you like some help to feel less critical of yourself? Your inner beauty is more important to finding true love. Find out why and learn how to recognize it in you.
