More than half of people ages 18 to 34 are single. For those older than 30, a little less than half are still single. If you aren’t coupled up yet but want to be, then it’s only natural to wonder why you’re still single and what you can do to change that. So, let’s be honest. Why are you still single?
Do you feel like you’re simply not ready to settle down yet? Have you just not met Mr. Right? These are legitimate possibilities for why you’re still single. Not everyone is in a place in their life where they are ready to settle down. For others, it’s essential to take their time getting in dating practice and being prepared for Mr. Right when they find him. But there are other possibilities for why you’re still single. Are you pushing love away, with all your strength?
What do I mean by this? Well, is it possible that you may have met a man who had the potential to be a good partner for you and you ran screaming in the other direction? Or have you otherwise sabotaged your budding relationship with him? Sabotage is a common reason why women are still single when they don’t want to be.
Relationship Sabotage: Might Be Why You’re Still Single
It can be hard to tell if you’re not comfortable with a good man because it requires being very honest with yourself about your feelings. Maybe you decide quickly that he’s too short, old, bald, or fat for you, rather than trying to find out who he is as a person.
You find a way to quickly eliminate him as a contender when there is no reason to rush to make a decision. After all, you need time and enough dating practice to get a feel for who’s a nice guy and who isn’t, who’s right for you and who is not a match. Why rush the process and prematurely end the learning experience?
Don’t forget to ask yourself if you’re in a hurry because something feels very uncomfortable. You might be feeling scared of getting close to a man, and it might have little to do with him. I’m not talking about deciding a man is rude or abusive, and you don’t want to see him again. This article is about determining a perfectly nice guy isn’t worth your time.
You might pepper him with questions about why his last relationship didn’t work out. Maybe you would even pick an argument with him over politics. Do you know you’d never do something similar with a man you were seriously interested in, but somehow you feel compelled to risk losing another date with him, and you aren’t sure why?
Why on earth would you do that when you’re a single woman who’s looking for love?
You may feel that you’re in some kind of danger. Are you afraid of getting in too deep, and getting burned? A lot of times, when people are fearful of love, they will push away potential romantic partners will all their strength. Instead of looking inward and asking themselves the hard questions, they project their fears outward. It’s not that they are afraid of getting hurt like in their last relationship. No, it’s because their dating partner is a short, balding accountant (who was nothing but kind and charming on their date).
Even if this doesn’t make sense to you on a logical level, it might be happening on a deeper emotional level. Often, a woman might want a stable relationship with a good partner – on the surface. Yet on some unconscious emotional level, the thought of being in a healthy and fulfilling relationship terrifies her.
If this sounds all too familiar, then you might think that telling yourself, “there’s nothing to be afraid of,” is enough to overcome this emotional roadblock. But, the more you tell yourself that there’s nothing to be afraid of, the less it helps you to understand what might be underlying these fearful feelings that are interfering with giving a good man a chance to impress you. When you dismiss these genuine feelings with logic, it invalidates your emotions and doesn’t give you an opportunity to work through them for a chance at love.
Listen to those feelings and try to understand what might feel dangerous to you about getting into a relationship. Are you afraid of getting hurt? Are you concerned that your family or friends will disapprove? Or is it some vague feeling that something just doesn’t feel right?
If you’re going to damage a relationship, it’s better to learn something about yourself from the experience. This kind of issue is why people frequently consult a therapist or coach about the reasons why they are still single.
Are you conflicted about getting into a relationship? Do you really want a loving relationship but manage to push men away? Leave us a comment and let us know what’s getting in your way.