Writer and historian Washington Irving famously once said that “Great minds have purposes; others have wishes.”
And in all honesty, you should leave your wishes for your Amazon shopping lists. The rest? Meaning love, marriage, a great career, strong family ties, all these shouldn’t be just wishes. They should be your goals.
Because there’s a big difference between a wish and a purpose. Even now, when you’re just reading it, you can sense there is a big difference. The former refers to something you’d like to achieve or to happen. Maybe it’s realistic, maybe not. Such is the nature of wishes. The latter is stronger, it’s a motivator that will also push you to take the necessary steps in order to achieve it.
So don’t just hope for love. Make love your goal.
The Problem with “Wishing”
There is nothing wrong with hoping and dreaming – it’s part of being human. You can wish to find your soulmate or to lose weight and become slimmer. The problem is, wishing is only the beginning of your journey, and most people, unfortunately, don’t get past this first step.
Just wishing for things to happen essentially means you’re watching your own life from the sidelines. You’re taking a passive approach to getting what you want, leaving everything in the hands of God or fate. But God has a lot of things on his plate, so it may take him some time to get to your love life.
Succeeding at goals requires a bit more effort than that. Goals, in all facets of life, require identifying where you want to go, what it takes to get there, and what are the things that can hold you back (and the things that can completely crush the obstacles).
Establishing goals instead of dreaming also puts you in the right mindset. The very word, when you picture it, refers to something tangible, while dreams can be just about anything. And when it comes to your love life, it’s much better to have goals, instead of just dreams.
How to Reach Your Goal
If your goal is to strengthen your relationship, then you have to work on it. Sure, there are times where you’ll let the guy take the lead, but nobody said you have to be either passive or active in a relationship. These roles can bounce from one partner to the other.
People often tend to wish big when life’s not going according to plan. For example, if you’ve been single for a while, and really want to be in a relationship, you may sit at home with a glass of wine wishing to find your perfect match one day.
These wishes help you because at the very least they provide a bit of comfort. But you’re a real woman in the real world. And in the real world, you have to push yourself and go on to the next step, which is often not that pleasant to do: finding out why you haven’t reached your goal.
And that can be a scary thing to dive into because it will require you to be completely honest with yourself. Ask yourself what went wrong with past partners. Did the spark die too soon? Did you feel like you were taken for granted? Were you not completely into it? Or are you just not dating people you’re compatible with?
These questions can sometimes be difficult to answer since relationships usually don’t just break apart because of one of the people involved. You will need to analyze your former relationships and gain some insights into your own behavior, and how you interact with your partners. And then, you have to get out of your house.
Put Yourself out There More
Maybe when you dream you also picture Mr. Right appearing right at your doorstep ready to sweep you off your feet. Or you picture those movie moments where you meet your new neighbor in the hallway and fall in love at first sight.
Real-life doesn’t unfold like that. In the real world, dating requires a bit of effort, and an active approach to leverage all the opportunities you have. You can’t just sit around and wait for these movie moments to happen.
Instead, consider a more effective approach to dating and relationships. It’s the new decade, and therefore the perfect opportunity for a clean slate, so take this year to work on a plan that can help you reach your goals, instead of wishing and hoping everything will magically come true.
There are a lot of different ways to go about it, but it often starts with finding out what’s holding you back. Some people have a problem identifying this, while others may need the help of a coach or even a therapist. Either way, find out what works for you.
And when you start working on your goal, remember to follow the 5% rule. It’s much more effective to make small, essential baby steps that can get you closer to where you need to be, than taking giant leaps and fail mid-process.
And your moment of honesty with yourself can start now. Answer this: are you passively hoping Mr. Right will sweep you off your feet one day? Or do you have a strong goal to change your life in 2020? Let us know in the comments below. We always love hearing from you.